


Fight On

by dreaminginscenes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Scars, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-24 06:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminginscenes/pseuds/dreaminginscenes
Summary: A series of Post-3 stories interwoven together.1-Rescue--Sora Rescues Kairi2-Pretending Everything is Fine--The team deals with daily life amid the stress3-Only Us--Terra and Aqua confront fears and feelings4-Apologies--Lea and Isa finally talk about a certain missing girl5-Can We Talk--Roxas clears his head with Xion6-A Message for You--Isa faces his inner demons





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> TO EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN READING THIS I REALIZED I FORGOT ABOUT CHIRITHY WHAT HAVE I DONE THIS IS AN OUTRAGE NEXT UPDATE WILL BE ME GOING THROUGH EVERYTHING AND MAKING SURE CHIRITHY IS THERE TO BE THE NEW HOUSE CAT KTHXBAI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After losing her to Xehanort once more, Sora finally finds Kairi.

_Is this…darkness?_

Kairi felt herself falling through a void. Windless, dark, quiet…

Was she dead?

She remembered a power binding her, Sora’s voice crying out her name; a sharp pain across her back…

She must have been dead. Sadness filled her heart that was no longer there. Or maybe she was nothing but a heart. It didn’t matter. She had left Sora, everyone, to fight Xehanort. She had hardly begun her adventure and now it was over.

Sora’s voice called to her again.

Was that her memory?

The call grew louder and more fervent.

No…that was him; now.

She opened her eyes to a pinprick of light growing brighter and brighter. It dazzled her eyes but still her gaze was fixed.

Sora reached for her. His smile filled her with joy. She took his hand. Suddenly all was white.

As her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, Sora’s face appeared before her, tears spilling down his face. “Kairi!”

His voice was clear as a bell. “S–Sora?”

“KAIRI!!” He threw his arms around her. “I found you!!!”

With a flood of relief she returned the embrace. “Sora, I–I thought I was dead! How did you–”

“I followed my heart and it led me right to you!”

He pressed his forehead to hers, emotion about to take the better part of his words. “Kairi…I thought I lost you…I thought I lost you for good…”

Kairi bit her lip, restraining her own emotion. “Our hearts are connected, Sora. Now and forever. We’ll always find each other.”

Sora laughed lightly, still holding her close as though unable to bear another moment apart from her.

“One question, Sora.”

“Yeah?”

“Where are we?”

Sora lifted his head to look around as the white void that held them. “Umm…I’m not sure, but I think we’re technically in my heart.”

“Looks different from when I last saw it.”

“Well, I think it’s because I was traveling _with_ my heart to find you.”

Kairi gave him a quizzical look.

He chuckled. “It’s hard to explain; I’m not sure I entirely understand either, actually. I just know that apparently, I can find hearts with mine by traveling through worlds.”

Kairi looked around again. “Traveling through worlds, huh? This one seems kinda boring.”

“Boring? Well, let’s see if I can take us somewhere else then.”

Somehow, the white grew even brighter, engulfing Kairi’s vision until she had to close her eyes against it. She gripped Sora tighter, scared for an instant that she would lose him in it.

A cold wind whipped through her hair.

Wind? She risked opening her eyes. The world was no longer pure light, but it was still white.

“Wait, is this…snow???" 

Sora laughed loudly, jumping with joy. "I did it! I did it, Kairi!”

Kairi stumbled in the frosty powder as he yanked her with his glee. “What? What did you do?”

“I took us to another world with my heart!”

“With your…what???”

“That’s how I found you! I just focused really hard on the connections my heart had to you, and it eventually led me to you. And that’s what I just did now!”

Kairi let her gaze shift to the winter landscape. “You’ve been here?”

He nodded. “Yeah; the whole time I was here I couldn’t help but think how much you would have liked the snow.”

She felt her face flush for a moment, until the biting wind returned. Kairi buried herself as close as could to Sora. “Gah!!! Couldn’t your heart conjure up some coats or something??”

“Oh come on, I handled it. It’s not so bad if you just keep moving!”

“Oh really? Then maybe you don’t mind…THIS!” In a flash she scooped up a clump of snow and hurled it at Sora, landing it squarely on his hair.

“HEY!!!” He frantically brushed off the melting power.

Kairi turned to grab another wad of snow. Before she could react, Sora dropped a pile in her hood and shoved it over her head. He doubled over in laughter as she yelped at the cold.

“SORA!!! That’s fighting dirty!”

“But so worth it!”

With a shove she pushed him into the snow but he only laughed harder, making Kairi smile despite herself.

Sora’s eyes widened. “Wait! Kairi!”

“What?!”

He flopped backwards into the powdery frost. “SNOW ANGELS!!!”

With child-like glee he swiped at the snow, making something resembling more of a run-over angel. Kairi burst with laughter at the sight and flopped beside him, forgetting the cold in her eagerness.

After a minute, the two were cold, wet, and giggling.

The wind kicked back up. “Why is it so cold in your memory?? Or heart, or whatever. Haven’t you gone anywhere warmer?”

Sora shot up. “Oh! I know the perfect place!” He grabbed Kairi’s arm and pulled her up with him.

The world brightened and shifted before her eyes, disappearing into a familiar whiteness that dazzled her again.

Kairi sighed with relief as warm, slightly humid air enveloped her. Around them appeared a seaside dock with cobblestone streets and little wooden buildings, each glowing with a warm light in the early evening.

“Aww Sora! This little town is so cute!”

“Um, little town?”

Sora gently took her shoulders and turn her away from the dock. Kairi caught her breath at the sight of an enormous castle situated at the top of a hill lined with more wooden buildings, the street strewn with flowers and banners.

She felt him lean close beside her ear. “Just wait; it gets better.”

Kairi held her breath in anticipation; how could the sight possibly be more beautiful?

A tiny spot of light drifted up from the street below. Soon a cloud of light–which as she squinted Kairi could see were glowing lanterns–began to fill the sky.

Within minutes the water reflected a million lanterns, creating an illusion of an endless sea of rosy hues and golden lights. Kairi dashed to the end of the dock where the lanterns surrounded. She couldn’t remember ever seeing a sight so beautiful; until she turned to see Sora’s smile. 

His eyes illuminated by the soft glow, gazed at her like she was the only sight he cared to see. Her heart fluttered as he took her hand and brought her to sit along the edge. Overlooking the water, Kairi couldn’t think of anywhere she’d rather be. With Sora beside her, holding her hand gently in his, everything finally felt right. 

Sora broke the stillness with a soft voice. “This reminds me of when we would watch the sunset together.”

“Like the time I asked you to take the raft with me? That seems so long ago now.”

Sora laughed lightly at the memory. “We never did take that raft did we?”

Kairi squeezed his hand. “No, but we sure got an adventure.”

Sora paused. “We never took that raft…”

He leapt to his feet with a flourish, pulling Kairi up with him. “Hold up, I gotta show you something!”

He screwed his eyes shut in concentration. Kairi shut her eyes as well; sure enough, she felt the blinding light envelope the world.

She heard the roar of the ocean all around her and felt the salty spray on her face. Cautiously opening her eyes, she found Sora was no longer by her side. She frantically searched for him on the…ship? Was she on a ship?

There he was, posing dramatically on the captain’s deck, wheel in hand and donned in a billowing coat and tricorne hat. 

“Ahoy, matey! Land ho! Weigh anchor off the starboard bow!”

“Are–are we on a pirate ship???”

Sora tipped his hat to her, revealing a bright blue bandanna holding down his mess of hair. “Ay, that we are, fair miss! We’re aboard the mighty Leviathan! A dreadnaught ship challenged in speed and firepower only by the Black Pearl!”

Another strong gust of sea wind blasted her, whipping her heavy sash. She suddenly realized she was dressed differently; clad in leather boots, a billowing blouse and corset, accented with a gold embroidered sash. Her hands flew to her head and took off the new hat; a deep magenta with a rackishly swayed brim and tall feather.

Sure enough; she was a pirate. This had to be the best world by far.

Replacing her hat, she struck her most dashing pose. “Rescind that order, first mate Sora! Yur captain spies uncharted waters! Thar be treasure in those depths!”

Sora’s laugh resounded across the waves. “Ay-ay, Captain Kairi!” He suddenly shot off the upper deck in a run, grabbing Kairi’s hand as he passed. He pulled her up to the railing beside the bow of the ship and held her steady as the ship raced on through the waves.

In all of her memory, Kairi had always lived by the ocean. Only now did she realize how much she never comprehended of the ocean’s true majesty. The wind brushing past her face, the powers of the waves roaring under her feet, feeling like the water was at her command…it was more amazing than she could have imagined.

She was acutely aware of Sora standing directly behind her, his arms on either side of her cushioning her against the racing of the ship.

She was even more acutely aware as he quickly kissed her cheek.

She whipped around to face him without bothering to hide her surprise, although she wish she had as he became white with fear.

“I–uh–sorry–I–”

“Why, first mate Sora! I am surprised at ye!”

He stopped his rambling with a baffled look.

Kairi smirked slyly. “With aim as terrible as that, I ought to call ye a landlubber!”

“Uh–what?”

“Ya missed yer mark by a fathom!”

He still looked confused. Kairi rolled her eyes; so much for subtlety. “X marks the spot, ya barnacle-brain!” She took his face firmly in her hands and kissed him. She felt him freeze up for a moment before eagerly returning.

Despite how wonderful it was to finally kiss him, she had to pull away to let herself laugh. Sora’s mouth hung open, still in shock. His face broke out in a big goofy grin, making Kairi laugh even more. 

A violent jolt from the ship sent Kairi reeling in Sora’s arms to stop herself from tumbling to the wooden planks. The ship calmed once again, but he kept his arms wrapped around her.

He pulled his gaze away from her to glance over the railing. That ever-familiar mischievous gleam came into his eye again. “I have an idea! Just trust me!”

“What?”

He scooped her up in a damsel-carry and hopped up on the railing, balancing precariously. “Take a deep breath, okay?”

__

“What?”

__

“Sure hope this works!”

__

“WHAT?" 

__

With that he leapt from the ship. Kairi let out a squeak before taking a gulp of air and closing her eyes.

They hit the water at a terrifying speed, but slipped below the surface as easily as falling into a plush pillow. 

Kairi felt herself suspend in the water, but she still clung to Sora fiercely, not daring to let go until he shook her gently.

"Kairi, open your eyes!”

How was Sora’s voice so clear? She peeked cautiously.

Why was Sora shirtless?

Why was he a _fish??_

Why was _she_ a fish???

Kairi gasped, letting in a gulp of water then quickly panicking before realizing she could actually breathe.

Sora twirled his dolphin-like fin in an excited spin. “Come on! Give it a try!”

Kairi glanced down again; where her legs should be was an iridescent violet fish tail.

“Wha–how–”

Sora swam down in front of her and took her hand, coaxing her forward through the water. “Just kick like you would normally; come on! Try it out!”

Kairi hesitantly focused on her new muscles, unsure if they would respond how she wanted them to. But sure enough, her tail flipped down, pushing forward gently.

She tried a little harder; a little further. A couple of quick kicks; she propelled up.

She swam forward with joy. Sora was right; it felt so natural!

Sora sped to catch up with her, joining her in a twirling race through the coral and seaweed.

Kairi took Sora’s hand, feeling the bubbles drift through their fingers. “Sora! You went to all these places? How much did I miss out on?”

He wrapped her in his arms and spun them both upwards in an underwater dance. “A lot!”

The rush of the current brought a laugh of delight from her. “How did you let me miss all of this?”

He slowed their pace, letting them drift together on an unseen current. She was surprised to see guilt in his eyes.

“I–I didn’t mean to leave you behind…”

He could be so self-effacing. “I know, Sora. But admit it, you were glad I was on the island." 

"Well yeah; I knew you were safe at least. I didn’t want to drag you into everything.”

“But you should have known I’d come anyways!”

That glorious smile returned. “And I’m glad you did.”

Kairi huffed in annoyance, bubbles drifting from her lips. “Not like I was much help in the end.”

“Hey! You did amazing for like, what, a month of training? A month after getting the Keyblade, I was still getting my butt kicked by Shadow heartless.”

“But I got caught so easily again.”

“Xehanort was planning that; it wasn’t your fault. He caught us all off guard. Especially me…” He grew distant for a moment. Kairi couldn’t help but remember Sora crying out her name as her world had faded to white; he had sounded so broken. Even the memory twisted her gut. 

Kairi rested her chin on his chest; that seemed to be all it took to bring him back. He stroked his fingers through her hair. “But you’re here now, so that’s all that matters, right? We beat him; he can’t bother us again.”

Kairi smiled. “And we’ll be together, right?”

An expression she couldn’t place crossed his eyes for a moment. “…right.”

She almost asked him what was wrong, but he suddenly stopped his swimming, halting both of them. His eyes shone bright with excitement. “Wait! There’s something I’ve been wanting to show you since my first adventure! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it earlier!”

He shut his eyes tight again; Kairi knew what was coming and closed her eyes against the brightness. The comforting pressure of the water disappeared with a rush, replaced by a cool breeze. Kairi’s opened her eyes once more to a very different sight.

They stood on a stone ledge overlooking a twinkling city below. Far far below; much too far for comfort. Kairi yelped and jumped away from the edge.

Sora had the audacity to laugh at her. “Hey! You’ve scared me enough already!”

“Sorry! I know! I just wanted it to be a surprise!”

She looked out over the twinkling city; the stars above were quite muted, most likely because of the bright glow of the giant clock ticking beneath them. It was pretty, but it wasn’t amazing. What could Sora possibly have in store now?

He lined his heels up with the very edge of the clock tower, his back to the city.

“Uhhh Sora?” Kairi’s heart raced as he checked his feet.

He flashed her another smile and fell backwards.

 _“SORA!!!”_ Kairi raced to the edge, terrified of what she might see.

He wasn’t plummeting to the ground; he wasn’t anywhere. A finger tapped her head. She screamed and stumbled back; Sora was hanging in mid-air, a glittering trail following behind him.

“I’m flying, Kairi!”

Despite everything she had seen, this by far took the cake for the craziest.

Sora held out his hands. “Now you try!”

“Excuse me???”

“Just trust me on this! Please?”

Kairi looked down over the edge again. “But how–?”

“Just believe you can fly, and you will.”

_Just believe?_

She took a deep breath and grasped his hand. With everything Sora had done for her, he had never broken a promise. If he said she could fly, then it must be true.

She closed her eyes and stepped off the edge. 

There was no sickening dropping sensation. Kairi risked opening an eye.

Sparkles surrounded her; Sora drifted in front of her, grinning from ear to ear.

She looked down; the city was far below, and was staying far below.

“I–I can fly??”

“You can _fly!!!”_ He shot up through the air, pulling Kairi with him.

Swimming through the ocean had felt amazing; flying beat that by far. They soared around the clock tower, twirling and speeding through the air. No limits, no boundaries; the sky was theirs to command.

Kairi released Sora’s hand for a moment and let herself fall. How amazing even falling felt! The wind rushed her face; she laughed with the adrenaline. Sora came into view beside her, matching her plummeting descent.

A building came into view; in the last second Kairi took hold of that unseen power and shot back up through the air. Sora actually tripped mid-air before joining her up through the sky once again.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the moon, glowing yellow and bright. She couldn’t help but stop mid-air and bask in the glow.

Sora drifted up beside her and took her hand again. “Do you like it?”

Kairi let out a laugh that rang through the air; she didn’t care if the whole city heard. “YES!!! I LOVE IT!!!” She twirled into Sora and embraced him. “Thank you! Thank you so much!”

With a sigh of happiness, Sora returned the embrace. “I’m glad I could show you; it’s even better with you here.”

A wave of bliss washed over her. This was right, simply being with Sora; it was all she could ever want.

He separated from her and took her hand again. He led their flight through the stars, calm and beautiful. The exhilaration of learning to fly had past. Kairi could now just enjoy the twinkling starlight, the feeling of the wind in her face, the mist of the clouds and the brushed her, and Sora close beside her.

She turned to say something to him, but forgot the moment she saw him glowing with a golden haze. She halted her flight abruptly, yanking him to a stop.

“Uhh Sora?”

He followed her eyes to his hands; his eyes widened for a moment, but he didn’t seem as concerned as Kairi thought he should have. Rather, he sighed in defeat.

“I…I was afraid this would happen…”

“What?? What would happen??” Panic was starting to fill her stomach.

Sora continued to look at his hands, using the spreading glow to avoid her eyes. “Kairi…I don’t really know how to explain this…”

She drifted an inch closer to him, trying to get him to look at her. “Why not? Do you think I won’t get it?”

He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “No, it’s not that…I don’t completely understand what happening either, actually.”

“Well, tell me what you do know.”

He paused for a long minute. The pair hung suspended in the air, the sparkling dust the only thing between them and the quiet city far below.

Sora took a deep breath. “Kairi, I’m going to disappear I think.”

Her heart skipped a beat. She tried to find words to say, but nothing came past the stop in her throat. 

Sora finally looked up and met her eyes. “Xehanort said that the further I chased hearts the more I would lose myself. I think this is what he meant. My body will disappear, but my heart will travel through worlds looking for other lost hearts. So, yeah…I’m going to disappear.”

Kairi shook her head vigorously. “No…no Sora, this can’t be happening! We just found each other! You can’t disappear! Not after everything!”

Sora averted his eyes again, apparently guilt-ridden by her plea. “Kairi, I think I was meant to do this. I’ve always connected with hearts and protected them without even knowing it. I knew this would happen if I tried to find you, and I was okay with that.”

 _“I’M_ not okay with it!” She was on the verge of yelling.

“Kairi,” Sora took her shoulders, trying to keep his own voice level and calm despite its shakiness. “This has to happen; it’s my destiny!”

“SCREW DESTINY!” 

Her ourburst effectively shut Sora up.

A lump came to her throat. _Not now!_ She scolded herself, but it rose anyways. She threw her arms around Sora, burying her face into his neck, and let the tears come. There was no point in hiding them; she couldn’t fight them even if she wanted to. He returned the embrace with fervor. She could feel him shaking in her arms.

Kairi forced words out through her sobs, as hard as it was. “I–I can’t let you go…I can’t do it again…”

“Kairi…” his voice was tense with emotion. “I wish I could stay with you, but I can’t change this. You’re safe; that’s all that matters to me.”

She desperately wanted fight back but no words came out, only tears.

How long they hung in the air, clinging to each other as though every second would be the last, Kairi didn’t know and didn’t care. Maybe if she held him a little tighter, a little longer; maybe if she just wished hard enough, believed hard enough, he wouldn’t leave and they could stay exactly how they wanted to be. Their journey had been long enough. Didn’t they deserve a happy ending?

But in the quiet recesses of her heart, Kairi knew how right he was. It was wrong; it was stupid; it was ridiculous and unfair, but it was the truth. Sora had put himself in danger too many times, put himself too close to darkness, to pretend that there could be no consequences. He played the hero and he paid the price.

But wasn’t that exactly why she loved him?

He was selfless; he was kind; he put the needs of others far before his own; he would sacrifice anything and everything for those he loved, even if it meant losing himself. As much as it hurt to admit it, Kairi knew that if that wasn’t Sora, he wouldn’t be the boy she loved so dearly.

She felt him shift in her arms, coaxing her to look at him. Her tears had stopped some time ago, but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to let go. Seeing him now, the tears almost started again; the foreboding glow had spread all across him.

He gave her a smile; however sad it was, it still managed to brighten the night sky. “Let’s get you home.”

The white light of Sora’s heart grew around them, engulfing her vision for a moment before falling back to a familiar sight.

—————————–

Kairi stood silent on the worn-down carpet. The setting sun warmed the room, but she still felt cold. Telling Sora’s mom what had happened to her son was just as hard as she had feared, but despite the torrent of despair from the broken woman, Kairi hadn’t shed any tears with her. She wasn’t sure she had any more in her.

Her gaze drifted across the room. Sora had left quite a mess before he had left for Yen Sid’s tower and the Mark of Mastery Exam. Clothes were strewn across the floor; the single blanket on his bed was tossed aside carelessly; books and knick-knacks littered every flat surfaced.

The room seemed frozen in time; if she just waited long enough, she could almost believe Sora would walk through the door beside her and back into the place he called home.

The one space not cluttered over was his desk. Papers, pencils, and books were shoved to the sides and spilling over to the floor, but the center was cleared away for a single photograph, dusted over from months before.

Kairi dared not disturb the dust, but she stepped close to the desk to examine the photo. She remembered it well; it was Sora, Riku, and herself surrounded by old and new friends. It had been taken shortly after Sora and Riku had returned from defeating Xemnas.

Kairi smiled at the image. Sora’s hair was wilder then, and Riku hunched his shoulders in a display of discomfort at the overload of attention. Her own hair was much longer, and she grimaced at the old dress she used to wear all the time.

Her twinge of content fizzled out as she fished another photo out of her pocket. It was clearer and new, taken only the day before. Again, it was Sora, Riku, and her but now surrounded by a hoard of new faces. Riku stood upright and confident among his friends, his arm around Sora and Kairi. Despite being scrunched awkwardly together to fit everyone in the frame, smiles filled the photo.

Except her own face. Yes, she was smiling, but it looked forced compared to the one taken months before, when all had seemed right and perfect.

Sora, his arm wrapped around her, smiled just as brightly as he always did. Kairi wondered if anyone else saw the golden haze that had surrounded him.

Her memory reeled back the moment right after the photo was taken. Sora taking her to the paopu tree, holding her hand as they gazed at the pink clouds stretching across the sky, reflecting in gentle foamy waves that lapped against the small island.

She heard his last words: “I guess one day can be enough.”

He vanished into the sunset, glimmering out of sight as though he were nothing more than a ray of sunlight dying into the night.

Soft footsteps entered the room behind her, bringing her out of her thoughts. She knew exactly who it was. Only one person had dared approach her since that moment. Only one person could possibly understand what she felt.

Riku set a hand on her shoulder. She expected him to say something, but he stayed silent. Kairi set the new photo beside the old. She didn’t want to keep it anyways. He squeezed her shoulder gently.

“I miss him, Riku…I miss him so much…”

“I know. I do, too.”

“He’s gone, and it’s all my fault. If I had just fought harder, he wouldn’t have needed to save me, and maybe he would still be here.”

Riku stepped around beside her, urging her to look at him. “It’s not your fault; he chose this, Kairi. He wanted to save you. You meant everything to him.”

“We promised we would always find a way back to each other; how can that be a lie?”

Riku paused a moment. “You did get back to each other, and maybe that has to be enough.”

_Enough? How can that ever be enough?_

“But now…” Riku took a deep breath. “Now we have to let him go.”

An idea struck Kairi. “Why?”

Riku furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Why do we just have to let him go? If everyone keeps saying that he’s not really gone, then can’t we bring him back? Why can’t we do something about it?”

“Kairi–there’s nothing we _can_ do.”

A fire took hold of Kairi’s heart. She turned to face Riku head-on, startling him with the power in her eyes. “No; there is always something we can do. If there is even the slimmest chance that he could come back, then we’re going to get him back.”

“But–It–It’s impossible!”

“And how many other impossible things have we done? A nobody and a replica have their own hearts and bodies; three people were saved from darkness; we saved the world from another Keyblade war and we stopped the apocalypse! 

We’ve done a million impossible things before, why not this?!”

Riku took her shoulders in a calm but firm grasp that only ignited her more. “Kairi, listen to me.”

“No!” She pushed off his hands. “You listen to me, Riku! I’m not going to sit by and do nothing! He can’t be gone! _I won’t let him go!”_

A memory flooded her mind of another time she had made the same declaration against the universe and all the powers that could dare defy her. She had already lost him–really lost him–once, and that was more than enough.

Riku stared at her for a long moment.

“Alright, I believe you, you can save him;” He set a hand on her shoulder. This time, he wasn’t restraining her. “But I’m coming, too.”

Kairi felt the fire in her burn with a new kindle; hope. 

_We’ll find him. We’ll save him._

_Sora will come back._


	2. Pretending Everything Is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at The Land of Departure, the team tries to handle simply living ordinary lives.

“One, two, three, four!" 

"What’s it say?" 

"Um…Definitely." 

"…that’s doesn’t make any sense. Are you sure that’s how Olette said this works?" 

Namine crumpled the paper fortune teller. "I have no idea.”

Xion let out a long sigh and returned to stroking the cat napping in her lap. “Figures, with my luck. Even a fortune teller can’t tell me how Roxas feels.”

“Oh come on, it’s just a silly kid’s game.” Namine flipped open her sketch book, returning to her drawing. “Why don’t you just talk to him? You two can talk about anything.”

“Well…yeah…but we’ve never talked about that before. I don’t even know how I would start.” Chirithy stirred for moment as Xion paused her petting but easily settled back to his sleeping lump.

Namine shrugged. “I wouldn’t know either. Guess that comes with having been told for most of our lives that we don’t have real emotions.”

“Exactly! This is all so new! How can I talk to him about something that I don’t know anything about?”

Namine looked up over her page. Xion looked incredibly downcast, twisting Namine’s gut. Things had been so stressful the past few weeks, she was hoping that they could just chill for a little and forget about everything. Having the cute kitty with them certainly helped calm their nerves. However, even a giant, fluffy, talking cat couldn't make them feel completely better.

It had been at least a week since they heard anything from Riku and Kairi, and they’re last report hadn’t been good. The lack of news about Sora’s whereabouts was starting to weigh on everyone’s mood. It didn’t help that every attempt to contact Kairi and Riku on their gummiphones yielded nothing.

Namine bit her lip and glanced at her own phone for the millionth time. The conversation between her and Riku was nothing but messages from her, including a dozen missed calls. Of course, she was worried about Kairi too, but she couldn’t help but feel her anxiety rise as she considered Riku putting himself close to darkness. He had proved himself against its powers time and time again, but when would it finally be too much?

A buzz from Xion’s phone snapped her back to reality, rudely waking Chirithy with a little _brrrp._

The grey cat stretched his back. "Hey! I was just getting comfy!"

Xion giggled at his complaint. "Sorry! Just my gummiphone." She snatched the phone up with a poorly-hidden smile.

Chirithy grumbled before settling back down in her lap. 

“Ooooohh…" Namine teased. "Is it your boy?”

“Shut up!” Xion giggled. “He’s just saying he’s bored. I swear, that boy has no idea how to fill his spare time.”

“Except with you.”

"Nami!”

Another voice sounded outside their makeshift tent. “Don’t deny it, Xion!”

Xion popped her head out as much as she could with Chirithy still in her lap. “Terra! You’re not supposed to be listening!”

Terra waved an armored hand with a laugh. “Okay, okay…” He turned the page of his book. “I’m not listening.”

Xion shuffled back into the fort–made from Terra’s cape–with a miffed huff. “I swear, you two are gonna be making fun of me when Roxas is around sometime and I’m gonna die of embarrassment.”

“You just make it so easy!” Namine retorted.

Xion raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Well what about you? Stringing three boys along, you’re quite the player!”

Namine face flushed beet red. “Wha–I–I don’t know what you mean!!!”

“Oh please! Do I need to list them? First of all, Riku loves hanging out with you, then Ven said you were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and then last time we were in Twilight Town, Hayner got all flustered around you.”

“That–I–That’s nothing!”

“Oh come on, you love it!”

Namine fiddled with her pencil. “I–I mean…yeah…I do kinda like it. But it’s not like that. I…it’s just nice to know that they see me for…me. Not just because I remind them of Kairi, but because they actually like me.”

Xion smiled warmly. “After all this time, you deserve it.”

Both girls were tapped on the head. A hand lifted the edge of their fort, and Aqua leaned down to look in. “Okay, what are you girls doing in here?”

“They’re talking about boys and I have to pretend that I’m not listening.”

Aqua raised an eyebrow. “Is this what it’s like to raise girls? I’ve only raised boys.”

“I heard that!”

“You’re not listening, remember?”

Terra grumbled loudly in response. With a chuckle, Aqua scooted underneath the cape beside the girls. “Mind if I join you?” She scritched Chirithy's fuzzy head, eliciting a soft purr from him.

“Please do! We were just making fun of Namine for liking multiple boys!”

Aqua grinned. “Really? Who?”

“Oh come on! It’s not like that! Hayner, Ven, and Riku are just really nice guys!”

Aqua’s jaw dropped. “Wait wait wait…Ven??? Oh I will have to grill him on this!”

Namine waved her hands frantically “No no no!”

Xion nodded eagerly. “Yes yes yes!!!”

Aqua laughed loudly at the girls. “Oh come on! Maybe he’ll ask you out!”

“Yes! And then we can get Hayner to ask her out too!”

“Well then what about–” Aqua caught herself, but it was too late. The girls both looked away, concern shading their eyes. 

Namine glanced back her phone. Hanging out with Hayner and Ven would be fun, but she had to admit to herself she really wouldn’t have any fun until she knew whether or not Riku was okay.

Aqua cleared her throat. “Um…Is that your sketchbook, Namine?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Can I see something? Whatever you like most.”

Xion perked up. “Oh! Show her what you were working on yesterday!”

Namine clutched her sketchbook. “But that’s not done yet!”

“Oh pleeeeease??? I really like that one!”

Relenting, Namine flipped open the book, careful to hide the other drawing scattered across the pages. Thankfully, Aqua was not one of those people to insist on seeing the entire book, something Lea had yet to learn. She landed on the picture Xion mentioned and handed the book to Aqua.

Aqua perused the graphite lines. “Wow, Namine this is amazing! And you never took any lessons?”

Namine hunched her shoulders, a little nervous in the spotlight. “Um, no. Didn’t really have anyone to teach me when I was in Castle Oblivion or with DiZ.”

Aqua continued to look over the drawing. “Have you shown it to Terra?”

“What?? No!”

“Oh come on, I’m sure he’d be tickled by the fact that he was your muse!”

“I was what?”

Xion smacked his armored back. “Not listening, remember?”

Namine twirled her hair in her fingers. “I mean, if you don’t think he would think it was weird or anything…”

Aqua shook her head. “Of course not! Terra’s actually an artist, too. He totally understands awkwardly staring at someone while you draw them.”

Namine cocked her head. “Wait, Terra draws?”

“And carves! I should get him to fish something out for you to see sometime. But can I show him this?”

Namine nodded sheepishly. “Okay.”

Aqua flipped up the edge of the cape and leaned out.

Out of view, Namine heard Terra laugh in delight. “Woah! I look good! Was that from yesterday?”

Namine heard Aqua reply. “I think so; this looks like when you and Ven were sparing.”

“I–I was just studying muscle anatomy…”

“Well, I am the perfect candidate for that–OW! Aqua!”

Aqua chuckled and leaned back into the fort, handing the sketchbook back to Namine. “But seriously, you’re really good. Have you worked with any other medium?”

Namine gently closed her book. “No, I haven’t really had the chance. I do want to try pastels, though. I only had crayons for the longest time, but pastels look like fancy crayons, so maybe the techniques could transfer.”

Aqua nodded thoughtfully. “Kind of impressionistic style?”

Both girls furrowed their brows.

“Impressa–wha?” Xion inquired. 

“Impressionistic. It’s an artistic style that was developed in the late 1800s in France that–”

“Oh my gosh, Aqua,” Terra butted in. “You’re gonna put them to sleep!”

Aqua glared at Terra’s back. “At least I listened during Eraqus’ lectures.”

“Oh come on, that whole segment on art was useless!”

“It was not! Anyways…” Aqua pulled out her gummiphone. “Here, let me search it.” After a few moments she turned the phone to Namine and Xion. “This is impressionism.”

A painting of a girl standing on a swing, smiling and surrounded by two well-dressed men showed on the phone. The gentle strokes suggesting the cast of the light through the trees across the girl’s white dress dazzled Namine. 

“That looks like what you do!” Xion chimed in.

“Yeah, but there’s no way I’m that good!”

“Not yet, maybe,” Aqua clicked off the screen and tucked the phone back in her pocket. “But with some practice I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it. What do you say we go to the art store in Twilight Town tomorrow? We’ll pick you up some pastels, maybe some water colors or acrylics, whatever catches your eye!”

“Really? Can we go to Radiant Garden instead? There’s a really nice store there that I’ve heard about.”

Aqua shrugged. “You’re the expert, whatever you say.”

Xion gasped with delight. “Road trip! Can I come too??”

“Well, we’ll need to get Terra or Ven to come too, then. I can’t fit all three of us on my glider.

"Get Ven! Then maybe we can make it a date for them!”

Namine giggled. “Oh come on…”

Terra’s back perked up slightly. “Wait, is that the one just off the main square? Over by the item shop?”

Namine nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “Yeah?”

“Mind if I come, too? They have a great wood selection, plus I need some new tools.”

“If you’re coming,” Xion inquired, “Can Roxas come too? I don’t wanna be left alone when you all get paired off together.”

A pink tint rose in Aqua’s cheeks.

“Uhh…” Terra floundered for a moment. “Sure…”

Xion clapped her hands gleefully. “Then it’s settled! We’re all gonna go to Radiant Garden tomorrow on a big triple-but-still-separate-date!”

Namine furrowed her brow. “Doesn’t that mean Lea and Isa will be left alone here?”

Xion considered this for a moment before giving Chirithy another head- scratch. “We’ll get back before they kill each other…maybe.”

—————————————————————

Terra threw the ball against the ceiling again, catching it as it bounced back to him. The ding of the Playstation sounded behind him along with another agonized set of exclamations from Roxas and Ven. 

“Second place again? Seriously? That took everything we had!”

Ven sighed loudly. “Second place isn’t that bad, right?”

“Yes it is! We have to get good at getting First, otherwise Aqua and Xion are gonna cream us again!”

There was a squeak from Chirithy, seated in Ven's lap. "Well, you just gotta get the drifting down. Those sharps turns are what's getting you."

Roxas gave the cat a quizzical look. "What do you know about video games??" 

"I've been watching!"

Lea, who was lounging on Terra’s bean bag chair just out of the corner of his eye, was working on something that Terra couldn’t quite make out. “Whether or not you get the drifting's not gonna matter. They’re gonna cream you whether you practice or not. Aqua played that Crash Bandicoot racing for what, twelve years? And Xion is her little prodigy. I bet you ten munny even Chirithy could beat you guys.”

Roxas whirled around at the claim. "He doesn't even have opposable thumbs!" 

"Exactly." 

“Hey I used to play against Aqua!” Ven retorted. “I’ve got a fighting chance against her!”

Terra chuckled. “Wouldn’t count on it. She and I were playing that long before you came along, plus we would play after Eraqus sent you to bed.”

“What??? So you mean all those times you wouldn’t let me sleep over in your room was because–”

“Yup. Aqua and I were in here playing Crash Bandicoot.”

“Traitor!”

Lea chuckled wickedly. “Are you sure that was the only thing you were doing?”

Ven clamped his hands over Chirithy's flopped ears. "Lea! Not in front of Chirithy!" 

Isa groaned beside Terra, leaning against the bed. He glared at the redhead over his book. “Honestly, Lea? You really went there?”

Lea shrugged. “Sorry, my mind’s in the gutter.”

“You _are_ the gutter.”

Terra snickered at the remark and caught the ball again. It was a bit odd to hear the two men being so buddy-buddy with each other. Although it really hadn’t been him, he still had vivid memories of his time as Xemnas and leader of the Organization. He could still remember Saix and Axel being constantly at each other’s throats. He had known–or more accurately Xehanort had known–that the two had been friends once before, but somewhere along the line that friendship turned bitter. Terra still was oblivious as to why. Whatever the case, the two had obviously made up and were falling back to their old ways.

A sharp point poked the side of Terra’s head. “OW!” He bolted up to see a paper airplane fall to the floor beside Isa, and Lea clutching his sides laughing. “Lea! What the heck??”

“You’re face was worth it!”

Terra chucked the rubber ball at Lea in retaliation.

Despite how crowded and chaotic it could get, Terra didn’t mind having his room be the new hang out space. He guessed it had more to do with the fact that the Playstation was in there, meaning Roxas and Ven crashed there every evening like clock work, often bringing Lea and Isa along as well. And, of course, wherever Ven was so was the new house cat.

Terra couldn’t help but assume the group's tendency to stick together was also because, after everything, they all needed the company. He knew he felt that way at least, and judging by the fact that Ven had insisted on sleeping in Terra’s room every night, leaving his room to Roxas, Lea, and Isa, everyone else felt just as anxious about being left alone.

“So,” Lea started, pulling Terra from his thoughts. “You said that the girls were using you as a fort today?”

Terra smiled at the memory. “Yeah, it’s not the first time. Xion and Namine like to use my cape to hide under and talk. Plus they use it as a way to steal Chirithy for a while.”

“So you had to sit in your armor the whole time?” Lea practically whined at the notion.

“Yeah; I’m so glad the plating doesn’t go over my butt, or else I would be so sore right now.”

“I’m sure the girls were glad about that, too…” Lea mumbled.

“What?”

“What?” Lea grabbed the rubber ball from the floor and started tossing it between his hands. “So, did you hear anything good?”

“Well, technically I wasn’t supposed to be listening.”

“Okay, then what did you technically not hear?”

“Come on, Lea,” Isa lectured. “If he’s not supposed to talk about it, then he shouldn’t.”

Terra waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, it’s fine. It’s just silly stuff really. Who likes who, that sort of thing.” Terra turned to look at Ven, still glued to the TV. “Apparently, you said Namine was the prettiest girl you’d ever seen?”

Ven tensed suddenly, his race car veering off the road and into a lava pit. “I–I–well–I mean–”

Chirithy gasped and whirled around to face Ven, blocking Ven's view of the tv screen. "Awww Ven!" 

"Chirithy! Hey!" 

Roxas smacked the pause button, apparently forgetting his need to win in the new revelation. “You didn’t! Dude, you are such a ladies’ man!”

Ven shoved his twin, practically knocking Roxas to the ground. “I was just being honest!”

Roxas snickered. “Uh huh, sure!”

“Don’t forget,” Lea piped in, “Xion was there, too. I’m sure Terra heard lots of juicy details from her, right?”

“You bet I did.”

Roxas averted his gaze to the carpet. “So what? I don’t care…”

Lea slid down in the bean bag chair, grinning from ear to ear. “Uh huh, sure.”

“Lea!” Isa whined. “Your stupid spider legs are crowding me!”

“Woah! What put you so on edge today?”

“I’m not on edge, I’m just trying to read!”

“You haven’t finished the book yet?”

“No, because I’m friends with you!”

Roxas flopped over on the floor, apparently forgetting the game entirely. “Out of curiosity, what did Xion say?”

“Oh _now_ you’re curious?” Ven mocked.

Terra shrugged. “Nah, I don’t think I should tell you."

Roxas glanced over at Chirithy, still accepting head scratches from Ven. "What about you? Did you hear anything?"

Chirithy shrugged under his cloak. "Don't ask me, I was napping the whole time." 

Terra chuckled at Chirithy's dedication to the agreed silence. "Guess you’ll have to ask her yourself, Romeo.”

Roxas popped his head up. “Roma–what?" 

"Romeo?” Terra raised an eyebrow. “You know, Shakespeare?”

Chirithy's little paw shot up high. "Ooh ooh! I know this!" 

Isa lifted his head from the book and cut off the cat before he could speak further. “Shakespeare was a 14th and 15th century English playwright. One of his most famous plays was _Romeo and Juliet_ , a tragedy about two lovers who couldn’t be together and died. Calling someone a ‘Romeo’ is a colloquial term for a person who is especially romantic.”

A little huff of disappointment sounded from Chirithy. 

Terra shook his head in disbelief. “Holy crap, you sound like Aqua.”

“From you, I consider that a compliment.”

Terra furrowed his brow. “Wait, what do you mean, 'from me’?”

“It’s obvious you think of her highly, including her skills, intelligence, wit and beauty. Since you compared me to her after I made a reference to a culturally significant piece of literature, I assume you are equating my intelligence to hers, which is significant.”

Silence followed his explanation.

Isa let out a long sigh. “You have a huge crush on Aqua, so any comparison to her must be a good thing because you think she’s perfect, right?”

Terra’s face grew hot. “Wha–I–that’s not what I meant!”

Isa shrugged. “You may not have meant it, but you implied it.”

A weasel-like laugh erupted from Lea. “Oh man, he got you pegged!!!” Lea high-fived Isa, who didn’t bother to hide his triumphant smirk.

“Come on, guys!” Terra whined; he could feel his face getting hotter. “She’s–she’s just a friend!”

Isa chuckled. “So the guilty plead.”

Lea kicked his friend. “You’re one to talk, Isa! Remember that night you came back from your 'date’? What happened then, hmmm?”

Isa’s face flushed white. “That wasn’t a date…” He mumbled into his book.

Lea’s smug grin widened. “Uh huuuuhhh….And that was your lip gloss smudged on your face.”

Isa buried his face deeper into book, the tips of his pointed ears turning pink.

Terra raised an eyebrow. “Wait, Isa you had a girl?”

Lea opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again. He glanced at Isa, who kept his face buried in a page he must have reread a dozen times.

“Um,” Lea scratched his head. “Inside joke. Don’t worry about it.”

Terra seriously doubted that, but he decided to let the topic drop. 

An awkward silence filled the room, not an unfamiliar visitor. The tension was always there, barely under the surface. At times they could ignore it but inevitably it would return.

Maybe if they actually talked about the issues at hand, it would help the fear that permeated everything they did. However, no one dared be the first to bring up the subject. No one wanted to consider the possibilities at hand.

What if Riku and Kairi never found Sora?

What if they did, but they couldn’t bring him home?

What if they could, but he was no longer himself?

Yensid had warned them of these possibilities before the pair had left, leaving the others at the Land of Departure to wait and worry. Granted, there was plenty to do during the day to distract them; going through the library-worth of material and records Eraqus left behind, returning the castle to a livable state. As soon as evening came, though, only one subject dominated everyone’s minds.

Terra had tried his best to keep spirits lifted and make the new-comers feel welcome in their new home, but he could feel himself slipping. He hadn’t had a chance to address his own lingering pain and trauma, and his nightmares were only getting worse.

He couldn’t imagine what Aqua was going through. Ven was struggling, too, but he seemed to have found solace in the others his age now in the castle. Terra never found him alone; he was always with either Roxas, Xion, Namine, or a combination thereof. 

Aqua, however, was just the opposite. She was always alone when he saw her. He joined her when he could, and she would allow it for a while, but eventually she always found some excuse to leave. He couldn’t decide if she was avoiding him because of herself, or because of him. Whatever the case, it hurt to see her forcing herself to suffer alone.

Unfortunately, Isa had indeed pegged him well. He knew exactly why it hurt him so deeply to see her in pain. Eleven years isolated in his own mind had forced him to realize the true depth of his feelings, and had only made them grow deeper. 

Of course, Xehanort had had access to his mind as well. Terra remembered well how Xehanort had mocked him.

_You believe you have any chance with a master such as her, boy? Your foolishness led her to be lost in the Realm of Darkness. You betrayed her trust time and time again in favor of following a path against all your Master’s teachings. You killed your master with the very power he fought against. How can she have anything more than hatred in her heart for you?_

The words echoed in his mind repeatedly day after day. As much as he despised Xehanort’s invasion of his mind, he couldn’t deny how right he was. Even if he had tried to repent of his ways, could he ever truly repair his relationship with Aqua? Could things ever be the way they were?

The thump of the rubber ball against the floor drew him back to reality. Glancing around the room, he could see the other young men deep in their own self-destructive thoughts. Chirithy looked between them with helpless eyes, ears dropped back. The PS2 continued to ding with a little melody on the pause screen.

“So, Roxas,” The blue-eye boy snapped to attention. “Think you got any chance with Xion?”

Roxas flushed pink.

“…in the game.”

“Oh! Um, maybe? I mean, if it was just her and me, then probably. But she won’t play without Aqua.”

Ven stretched his arms high, popping his back. “We’re all going out tomorrow, why don’t you challenge her to a one-on-one?”

Lea snorted. “You might wanna choose a different phrase.”

Roxas turned even more red. “Axel!!!”

Ven snickered. “Maybe I meant that, too!”

Chirithy glanced back and forth between Roxas and Ven. "What's 'one-on-one' mean?" 

Ven was the one to turn pink this time. "Guh...nothing." 

Taking advantage of Chirithy's distraction Roxas grabbed a pillow and smacked his twin to the floor. “You can’t make fun of me, Ven! You’re taking Namine out on a date tomorrow!”

“Because Aqua and Terra want time alone!” Ven retorted.

Lea gasped scandalously. "You’re taking Aqua on a date, Terra?“

Terra shot a glare at Lea. "It’s not a date; we’re just going to the art store together so Ven and Namine can go on a date!”

Isa actually chuckled. “You’re all going on dates; nothing wrong with that.”

Lea tossed the ball to himself once more. “Come on, Terra. Why don’t you just admit it to her?”

Terra’s gut twisted. “Ad-admit what t-to whom?”

Lea raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re gonna play dumb?”

Isa turned a page in his book. “You really should. Even if nothing comes of it, it will be good to at least get it off your chest. You never know if you may never get the chance again.”

Lea’s grin dropped as his gaze darted back to Isa for an instant. Isa glanced over the top of his book, meeting Lea’s eye for an instant then snapping back to his book.

Despite the oddly ominous suggestion, Terra had to admit Isa was right. He had lost her once and hated himself every day for nor realizing his feelings sooner. Now he finally had her back, and he was terrified to finally confess to her.

Of course, she wasn’t making it easy to talk, but that was no excuse. He just had to say it; get it out there. Things couldn’t get more awkward, could they?

 _Of course they could…_ Terra thought. _But she deserves to know, no matter what._

Lea chose the most obnoxious way he possible could to break the silence. “TERRA AND AQUA SITTIN’ IN A TREE! K-I-S-S–”

Terra leaped from the bed and smacked a hand across Lea’s mouth. “SHUT. UP.”

The damage was already done; the two boys and even the cat took up the song.“-I-N-G! FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE!”

Isa dropped his face into his book, groaning loudly over the chant.


	3. Only Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aqua finally talks with Terra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Terra's scar was inspired by the artist destiny-islanders on tumblr)

_He stood in the center of the square, face turned heaven ward._

_She ran to him. Could it really be him? She had searched so long…_

_She reached for his hand. His face slowly turned to hers._

_Golden eyes stared back at her._

_Terror seized her heart a split second before he seized her throat. A malicious grin crept across his face. She clawed at the iron grip; it was no use._

_He squeezed tighter. She felt ready to burst._

_The skin peeled away from his face, pulling the wicked grin back from his teeth to exposed a black skull. The skin melted down his shoulders until he stood as a pillar of inky black bones and muscle, still grinning its devilish smile. And yet she could see his face._

_No…not his face…Xehanort's…_

_The creature lifted her higher, laughing manically. With a sweeping arc it threw her._

_She felt herself fall…farther…farther…the black closing around her…deeper…_

Aqua bolted up with a gasp. 

The dark room was quiet, except for the soft slumbering of Namine and Xion nearby.

_It was just a dream…it was just a dream…_ Aqua wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth, fighting the panic.

It was no use. Her breathing wouldn't return to normal, and she felt ready to burst into tears at any moment. Not daring to wake and scare the young girls, Aqua fled from the room as quickly and quietly as humanly possible. 

Safe in the moonlit hall way, she drank in a deep breath. 

That horrible, demonic face still burned in her mind. Her eyes darted around the spacious hall, looking for anything to distract herself with. She caught sight of the large clock hanging on the wall.

_2am…seriously?..._ She had hoped it would be later when the nightmare hit. Maybe she could have gotten more sleep. But apparently, three hours was all she was getting tonight.

I can't stay here, she chided herself. A dark hall was no place to dispel dark thoughts. Perhaps the kitchen? At least she could turn a light on in there without disturbing anyone.

Sure enough, with the door closed, the fluorescent lights offered some electronic comfort against her waking nightmares.

Sufficiently alone, Aqua let herself drop to the floor; her knees held no strength to sustain her any longer.

Would the nightmares ever end? Would she ever be able to feel at peace? She had been able to say goodbye to Master Eraqus; Terra and Ven were safe; Xehanort was gone; she was finally home…so why didn't she feel better?

Sure, she was better. Better than she had been in the Realm of Darkness. But she wasn't… _better._ The days were filled with endless stress and worry as they tried to make sense of all that had happened and wait for Kairi and Riku to hopefully return with Sora. 

Of course, it could be easier if she just let herself talk to someone. The one person she wanted more than anything to talk to, however, she was terrified to let approach. It was more than obvious to her that Terra wanted to spend time with her, wanted to be there for her; but she couldn't let him. She had failed him so many times, she couldn't let him see her being as weak as she constantly felt. 

That was unfair, of course. She knew better than that. Terra wouldn't ever think so low of her. But some secret part of her mind still told her she was pathetic, and everyone knew it. She had to put on a strong face; she had to pretend; or else she would only be failing everyone all over again.

She should have been strong enough. Everyone else had so much to deal with. They didn't need her problems as well. Especially Terra…he didn't deserve to deal with her issues. Or her, for that matter.

Aqua wrung her shirt in her hands and glanced around the room. Despite the yellow light hanging over the dining table, the darkness of the night seemed to creep closer to her.

Had nights always felt this long? Granted, she couldn't even remember the last time she had slept before being rescued. She hadn't been able to truly rest or even sleep in the Realm of Darkness--some strange effect of that world--but now every time she closed her eyes, she was thrust back into that hell. Only now did she realized she hadn’t ever escaped it; it had simply taken up a new residence in the corners of her mind.

The lump in her throat finally pushed free and a sob escaped her lips. Tremors shook through her, hot tears streamed down her face, a sickness built in her stomach.

_Why did I come back? No one needs me…no one ever needed me…I should just disappear all over again. Everyone would just be better off without me._

The door creaked beside her; a jolt of fear ran through her.

Terra's messy bed-head poked its way around the door. "Oh, sorry, did I scare you?"

Aqua quickly turned her face away, hoping Terra hadn't noticed her emotional mess. "It--it's fine."

"I…I couldn't sleep and I saw the light on…"

Silence was her only response. It was either that or a torrent of tears.

She heard Terra sigh. "Nightmares?"

How did he know? Aqua finally met his eyes, curious as to what he meant. 

Dark circles lined his eyes. Despite crossing his arms tight against himself, Aqua could see his hands trembling. Even so, he gave her the warmest smile; exactly like he did in the Keyblade Graveyard.

That look was enough to make her insides melt. How could he smile like that when he was apparently hurting just as bad as she was, probably worse?

Aqua sniffled loudly, realizing she still hadn't given him a response. "Yeah…Nightmares…"

An awkward silence stretched between them. She remembered the last time they had sat in this same room, just the two of them, and talked. The morning of the Mark of Mastery Exam. That day seemed a lifetime ago, but she still remembered it vividly; her stomach churning, she had sat at the table, forcing herself to drink a glass of water.

Being so lost in her thoughts as she was that morning, Terra had scared her half to death when he walked in the kitchen. She remembered fondly how they had laughed and encouraged each other, calming each other's nerves with hopes of a bright future together as masters.

How childish those dreams seemed to her now.

How had her life ended up like this? Nothing had gone as she had planned. She had become a master, but had been no where near fulfilling her dream; Terra hadn't become a master. How could she be happy with herself until her best friend had achieved his dream as well? And then…she had lost him and Ven, by her own stupidity. It didn't matter if Terra and Ven were safe, it didn't matter how many years would pass from the horrible events of the past eleven years, she would--could--never forgive herself. As terrifying as they were, the nightmares seemed a decent punishment for her. After all, she needed the reminder of her greatest failure, to remind her of the failure she was and always would be.

Aqua snapped back to reality as Terra cleared his throat. "Mi--mind if I sit down?"

His momentary stutter didn't escape her attention, and it oddly calmed her nerves.

She gave him a small nod, and he took a place beside her on the kitchen floor. She was glad he hadn't suggested going to the table; her legs were shaking too much to walk right now.

He sat closer to her than she anticipated she would. The sensation of having him so near always made her tense up; she didn't deserve to have his comfort. She kept her arms locked around herself, still clutching her shirt in her fist. 

Aqua gave Terra a quick glance out of the corner of her eye. He still crossed his arms close to his chest.

"Hey," she squeaked out, catching his attention. "I…noticed the stutter."

He smiled lightly. "Yeah yeah…I know…"

She couldn't help but smile at his sheepishness. He had beat the childhood speech impediment years ago, but it would betray him when he was especially nervous. "I'm just happy you still have it. It's…nice to see that Xehanort really didn't change you."

He shrugged. "That's one way to look at it, I guess."

Silence fell between them yet again. She dared to glance at him. Under the harsh light, she could see the pale scar that crossed his lips and wrapped around his cheeks, disappearing into his hairline.

She didn't mean to stare, but she couldn't help it. It was a subtle reminder of the torture Xehanort had put him through all those years. How he had ripped Terra apart, and the creature he had forced Terra to be.

That ghastly villainous face flashed through her mind. Gleefully wicked golden eyes, a sickening smile. The very memory of Xehanort twisted her gut with anger.

How many nightmares had they endured because of him, and how many more would they have to suffer? Every aspect of their lives had been twisted beyond recognition by his vicious hand. When would things finally begin to improve? She and Terra couldn't even talk anymore without her feeling simultaneously anxious and drained.

She wanted to be better. She hated feeling like this, every minute of it. Feeling like she was always one thread from snapping, from completely losing her grip on reality and giving in to the darkness that refused to free her. She could only imagine Terra felt exactly the same.

A fire burned in her stomach; one that had been kindling for years, but she had never let blaze until now.

With a spark of fury, she slammed her fist against the hard tile.

_"He deserved to pay!!!"_ Her hate spilled over, unbidden and unburdened. "Why did he get off so easy?! He ruined all of our lives! How will any of us ever recover from this? He killed Eraqus, he stole you and Ven; he hurt so many people just because he had some grand vision of being the universe's savior. He used all of us as his pawns, and then got to die peacefully with no consequences. _How is that fair?!"_

Aqua's hand flew over her mouth in instant regret for the outburst. 

A firm but gentle arm slipped around her shoulders and pulled her in. The simple motion was all it took, and Aqua collapsed into his chest, allowing herself to give in to the torrent of emotions. Terra rocked her as she sobbed into his shirt, stroking her hair. Although she shook violently, she thought she felt him shaking as well.

"Aqua," He spoke so softly she almost didn't ear him through her gasping and sobbing. "Please, tell me what's going on. You keep fighting this alone; I don't want you to think you have to."

She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, so she kept her face pressed into his shoulder as she forced the words out. "Y--You don't deserve this…I should be strong enough to do this myself. You don't deserve to deal with this."

"But I want to. I want to be there for you, I want to help you, why don't you want me to?"

"Because…because you don't deserve to! I should be able to do this alone! I have to! I should be stronger, but I'm not! I failed you, and I keep failing you! I--should be more--I should be stronger--"

"Aqua, you are more than enough. You have always been."

She bit her lip. She didn't want to fall apart again, but it seemed inevitable. She could hear his heart racing, but from what she couldn't tell.

"Can I tell you something?" He whispered it into her hair.

Aqua pulled away to meet his eyes and nodded once.

His gaze drifted for a moment, lost in thought. "All those years, when I was trapped, I felt so hopeless; useless. I fought against him every day, in every way I could, but nothing ever seemed to hinder him. He just kept getting stronger. I…I almost gave up entirely." He met her eyes again. "But then you found me in the Realm of Darkness. You told me how long you had been searching; you looked so happy to see me. I couldn't believe it. It seemed impossible, but I at least knew that you thought I was still worth something, after everything I'd done. And that was enough to keep me going."

_I kept him going?_ Aqua pondered the idea. Maybe…maybe she was enough for one person. And maybe that could be enough to keep her going as well.

A poorly time laugh fell from her lips. "We really need to talk more."

Fortunately, he let out a gentle laugh as well. "Yeah." He hurriedly wiped a hand across his face, but let out a weak laugh. "Sorry…I'm trying to keep it together…"

She took the hand that fought against the tears and held it close to her, drawing his eyes to hers. "You don't need to. We don't need to. I think I'm starting to realize that being strong…doesn't mean you have to be alone. After everything, you think I would have picked up on it sooner."

"Well, that's because you did amazing on your own."

She rolled her eyes. "That's debatable." 

"You're here, aren't you?"

She halted herself; she wanted to retort with another self-effacing comment, but wanted to know what he meant.

"You're here; you're alive; you survived. After everything we've been through, you can't deny that's pretty amazing."

She felt herself smile--truly smile--finally. "And that's true for you, too."

He returned the smile. "If I think it's true for you, then I guess I should believe it for me."

A comfortable silence fell over them as they remained in each other's arms. For the first time in eleven years, neither felt alone. 

A question still burned in Aqua's mind. "Why? Why did he get a happy ending?"

Terra was silent for a long minute before giving an answer. "I'm not sure he did. Who knows what happens in the Final World? Sora saw a little of it, but maybe there's more. Maybe he does have to face up to what happened. Maybe he doesn't…but…" He carefully met her equally swollen and red eyes. "We can't let hate and anger cloud us. It's not…we're not condoning it, but we can try to find some sense of closure."

Aqua was surprised by Terra's mature tone. That reckless teenage boy she had known had changed to a man who spoke with wisdom and experience. "But how? How do we find any sort of 'closure' from all of this?"

"Well, for starters, don't forget Xehanort's there with Eraqus," He grinned at the thought. "I imagine that's punishment enough."

Aqua let herself laugh at the quip. "That's…that's actually not a bad assumption."

Terra laughed as well; a deep, resonating sound that hummed against her. "One hour lessons with Eraqus were hard enough; can you imagine eternity?"

Aqua let out a snort of laughter. "That would definitely be torture for you."

"Hey!"

The pair was soon giggling uncontrollably, fighting to stay quiet in the late night. For the moment, at least, the darkness that had been keeping her hostage had relented its grasp. Thoughts of her own failures and despairs were less powerful. The heaviness that had weighed her heart down for so long seemed to finally lift for a time. With Terra's light so near, the night and all its terrors were finally kept at bay.

Forcing herself to calm her incessant giggling, Aqua happened to catch Terra's eye, and that ever-familiar swarm of butterflies fluttered up in her stomach.

_Seriously?_ She thought. _After all these years I still get butterflies around him? That's so childish…_

Terra's cheeks noticeably reddened, and he averted his eyes quickly.

_Okay, really? Him too?_ She wondered again. Before everything, Aqua had always wondered how Terra felt about her; long nights were spent restlessly brooding over every conversation and interaction, fighting to find those little signs of returned affection. 

That was one perk to years alone after a harrowing experience; she could look on the events of her life with a new eye, a mature eye. She had begun to suspect that perhaps Terra had felt the same all those years. Her interaction with him in the Realm of Darkness was only another evidence of those feelings. The defining moment for her had been in the Keyblade Graveyard, when he had given her that smile. _You never stopped lighting my way back._

In that moment, Aqua had known exactly what he meant. There was no doubt in her mind; and yet, despite it being weeks since that fateful day, she had never found the courage to bring it up.

Aqua let out an amused, yet frustrated, huff. Terra turned a quizzical eyes to her. 

"What? What's so funny now?"

"It's just…we can survive through eleven years of darkness and fight off a powerful maniac, and yet we're still afraid to talk about this?"

Terra's cheeks turned even redder. "Talk? Talk about what?"

Aqua gave him a knowing look. He knew exactly what she meant; he had to.

To her surprise, his brow furrowed in confusion. How could he possibly be confused? What he that oblivious?

Apparently yes, as his eyes widened with shock. His jaw dropped open, but no words came out.

Aqua couldn't help but smile. "Seriously? You…you never knew?"

Terra seemed to finally be able to form a sentence. "Knew? Are you kidding me? I--I couldn't even hope!"

It was Aqua's turn to furrow her brow now. What did he mean by that? 

Terra struggled to find an explanation. "How--how could you possibly feel the same way? Aqua I'm--I was--I was a monster! I did horrible things to people--to you! I told you, I couldn't even believe that you wanted to save me! How could you forgive me for everything? Let alone overlook that and every other idiotic thing I've ever done to even consi--"

Aqua cut him off with a firmly planted kiss. Terra's unmatched shock kept him stiff for a moment, but with fervor she never expected, he returned the long-anticipated moment. 

Terra's arms encompassed her tightly, pulling her close she could barely breathe. She didn't know what she had been expecting when she gave into the long-suppressed urge, but it certainly wasn't this. Aqua let herself melt into him; this was everything she had dreamed of for years. The way he held her; how deeply he kissed her, she knew he had wanted this just as badly as she had.

He pulled his lips from hers, but only enough so she could see him clearly. 

The reality of what just happened seemed to finally hit him. Elated disbelief spread across his face, giving him a silly smile Aqua had to laugh at.

He gently caressed her face; she had to relish the sensation.

"Aqua…" He said her name with such a longing she had never heard before. "You…you really…?"

He didn't need to finish the question. "Believe me; I'm just as shocked as you."

"Wh--Excuse me???"

Aqua felt her cheeks flush. "No--I mean for me!!"

His eye twinkled with mischief. "Yeah; sure you did."

She gave his chest a smack. "Yes I did!"

His playful smile reassured her he did indeed know what she meant.

Any other time in her life, Aqua might have wondered if she was dreaming, but now she knew it couldn't be. Dreams held nothing but terrors for her; waking was no better. This moment; this was somewhere between waking and dreaming, and yet she felt more herself--more grounded--than she had in a long time.

In all the years she had known him, Terra always had that affect on her. If she was stressing out, spiraling, or losing her grip, just sitting and talking with him always brought her back to a sense of reality. Perhaps that was why she hadn't felt truly like herself again until this moment. She had been missing this for far too long. Simply being with him. Although she knew that meant more than it ever had before now.

And yet…it felt right. It felt natural. No air of awkwardness hung between them. As shocked as he had been moments before, Terra showed no stiffness or fear. He held her as though he had been meant to his whole life. 

Terra gently took her hand from where it still sat on his chest and brought it to his lips. A shiver went through her spine as he kissed her hand. "Aqua, I can't tell you how long I've wanted this. If…if you really want me, I may not ever understand why, but I want to try to be the man you need me to be. I promise, I'm going to make it up--"

She lifted a finger to his lips, quieting him gently. "Terra, you don't have to prove anything to me. You told me I'm more than enough. Now believe me when I say that you are, too." She let her hand drift down and stroke the locks of hair draped over his shoulder. "I don't need you to fix anything; there are things that we'll never be able to change or repair."

His hand drifted to the x-shaped scar tracing his cheeks. "I just can't imagine you would ever want anyone as scarred and broken as me."

Aqua considered his statement for a moment before reaching a decision. He needed to see. 

She shifted herself so her back was to him. She lifted her shirt slightly, exposing her side--and the wide, garish scar--to him. "This was from Vanitas, right before he took Ven."

His eye's widened at the sight, and he nearly spoke up until she held up a finger to still his questions. She dropped the hem and pushed back the neck of her tee-shirt, showing him the multiple white scratches that lined her collar and shoulders. "These are from the Realm of Darkness."

She released her collar and dropped her hands to her lap. "We're both scarred, we're both broken. But those scars don't matter. They made us who we are; but they don't have to define us. Let's just…clear the slate, start over. Start a new life from now. Let the old fall away."

That wonderful smile returned to his face. He ran a hand through her hair, resting his palm on her cheek. "If you say it's possible, then I can believe it is."

She let herself fall back into his embrace, resting her head on his chest. The rhythmic beating of his heart glided through her being, pushing away all doubts and fears that still held her with every beat. 

He pressed his cheek to her hair. "Please don't let me go."

She kissed his shoulder, her heart warming at his whispered plea. "Never again."

The darkness would still be there in the morning, but for now, at least they had each other. And that was more than enough.


	4. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea tries to confront Isa about a difficult topic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know everyone has a different opinion about the missing girl, so this is trying to be as open to canon as possible!

Lea glanced over at Roxas' curled up form on the bed, checking to make sure the boy wouldn't hear. The slow rising and falling of his shoulders indicated Roxas was already sound asleep.

He knew Isa wasn't. A quick glance at Isa, his back facing Lea, was enough to indicate to Lea that his old friend was no where near getting any rest that night.

And it was all because of his stupidity.

Lea kicked himself mentally. It was fine to make fun of Terra about Aqua; those two needed to move faster anyways. It was even fine to make fun of Roxas about Xion; they were practically an item already.

But he knew better than to make fun of Isa about...her.

It had seemed a good moment to joke with him about that night so long ago, but looking back, Lea could see just how wrong it was. The entire reason for everything they did in the organization was to find her; the reason he and Isa fell apart was because Lea had decided it was time to move on from their old friend; Isa's purpose in joining Xehanort was the heart-ache over finally accepting she was gone.

How could Lea have possibly thought it was okay to joke about that? He had no idea how Isa felt now, but judging by his cold shoulder, probably not much better than before.

Whatever the case, Lea needed to talk to him. They used to never talk, and look what had happened. He had to clear this up.

"Hey," he whispered hoarsely, although why he needed to he wasn't sure; Roxas slept like a rock. "You awake?"

Isa's shoulder tensed, perhaps trying to pretend he was asleep. Lea heard a deep sigh issue from Isa before he flopped over onto his back, arms spread eagle in exasperation. "Unfortunately, yes..."

How to start the conversation? It was obviously the thing on Isa's mind. "I—I'm sorry."

Isa turned a quizzical brow to his usually-sarcastic friend.

"I stepped out of line today, joking about you and...well, I'm sorry."

Isa huffed in amusement. "It's okay; I know you didn't mean to be hurtful."

"Well yeah, but it still bothered you, and that's not okay."

A shadow crossed Isa's eyes. That was enough of a conformation for Lea.

Silence fell between them for a moment.

Lea readied himself for the question gnawing at him, as painful as he knew the response would be. "How much does it hurt?"

Isa stared at the ceiling still, deep in his thoughts. "I thought I was okay, when I was under Xehanort, but I wasn't. I may not have been grieving, but I was angry. It really wasn't any different; I was just denying the pain. I thought I was not supposed to feel anything, but in an odd way I wanted to. I needed to. I missed missing her. That's why I wanted to regain our hearts so badly. I felt empty, which I now know was simply a manifestation of my denial."

Lea pursed his lips. "And now?" Somewhere under the fancy language was how Isa actually felt.

Isa's eyes drifted to the side. "…it hurts more than ever."

Lea felt a lump rise up in his throat. He remembered that fateful day years ago when they had lost her. It had hurt then; the pain still gnawed at him as well, but he couldn't imagine how it felt for Isa. He may have known how Isa felt about her, but he didn't _know._ He knew that now, after history had painfully repeated itself with Roxas and Xion and he had still managed to learn nothing. Not anymore; he wouldn't ever put his hurt above anyone else's. He wouldn't ever risk undermining someone else's pain just to spare himself.

Lea heard Isa sigh beside him. "Lea…"

Lea turned to him. "Yeah?"

Isa was silent another moment. "…I gave up."

Lea bolted upright in his sleeping bag. _"What???"_

Isa smacked his arm with a shush. A rush of panic ran through Lea and he turned to check on Roxas. Still sound asleep.

The panic relieved, he returned his shock to Isa. "What do you mean you 'gave up'??"

"I mean, I gave up the search. I stopped looking for her."

"You??? You're the one who sold your soul to Xehanort to find her! And you just gave up?"

Isa picked at the lint on his sleeping bag, obviously trying to avoid his friend's piercing gaze. "Yeah. I did."

"But--but you told me everything was going according to plan!"

Isa chuckled darkly. "You remember that? Yeah, that was a lie. I just wanted to make you feel guilty."

"Well, it worked, ya butthead."

Isa furrowed his brow. "No one has called me 'butthead' in a long time."

"Maybe not to your face. So get used to it."

Isa cocked his head. “Wasn’t that a line from that musical Xion made us watch?”

“ _That_ musical? Excuse you, _Legally Blonde_ is the greatest thing to ever grace the Broadway stage.”

Isa rolled his eyes, but allowed himself a genuine smile. It warmed Lea's heart to see his old friend reappearing in the cracks of the shell that Isa had formed over all these years.

Another thought bugged him, and even though he knew it would bring the mood down again, he knew he needed to ask it. "But what about Xehanort? Did you ever find out anything?"

Isa crossed his arms behind his head. "I told you on the clock tower; 'Nary a trace.'"

"You mean…he didn't know anything?"

Isa shook his head. "Nothing. He performed the experiments, but he was not the one who took her away. He didn't know who did. No one knew. Even Ansem's reports showed he did not know. Anyone who may have been hiding something is long gone now."

"What about Even? Or Ienzo? Or Eleus and Dalin? They're around; they might know something."

Isa shook his head again. "They were not privy to the experiments. And Eleus and Dalin were not the guards over her part of the castle; we were, remember?"

A memory of those late nights sneaking patrol routes past her room to check on her flashed in Lea's memory. "We were on patrol the night she disappeared, weren't we?"

Isa nodded. "I walked past her door a thousand times that night. I have no idea how I missed someone taking her."

Isa drifted off in thought, a look on his face that Lea had not seen in a long time, but was quite familiar with himself; guilt. Lea did remember that night well; Isa had insisted on taking the lower halls through the late night. That had been the night they were to going to free her. Lea had crossed paths with Isa once, only to see Isa dart back to his rotation past her room, which was no more than a glorified cell beneath the castle. Lea knew Isa had been vigilant through the hours; there was no way Isa could have missed anything. Whatever had happened to her had been planned; but nonetheless, Lea knew Isa would be blaming himself.

Lea reached out a hand, hesitating for a moment, before placing it squarely on Isa's shoulder with a brotherly pat.

Isa turned a quizzical eye to him.

 _Yep. This is awkward._ But Lea kept his hand on his friend's shoulder. Even if they had spent years pushing each other away for years, Lea was determined to bridge that gap. If that took awkward displays of brotherly affection, so be it. "Isa, it wasn't your fault."

To Isa's credit, he didn't shove Lea away, a good sign that he wanted to mend the gap as well. "I know, logically. But…"

"…But it's hard to convince yourself of that."

Isa only nodded.

Lea realized his hand was still on Isa's shoulder. That was probably long enough. He took it back, folding his arms across his chest. That went about as well as he had anticipated.

Surprisingly, he heard Isa chuckle beside him."You know," Isa began. "I never want to admit this, so savor the moment, but…you were right."

As satisfying as it was to hear that phrase from his stubborn friend, Lea was baffled. "About what?" 

"Remember all those years ago, when you told me to give up the search? That I would be doing myself a favor if I just let her go? Well, you were right. I should have given up when you did."

A shock went through Lea at Isa's confession. "Well, then I have something to tell you that I'll never say again either, so you better savor it."

Isa raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

"…I was wrong."

Isa's eyes widened. _"What?"_

"You heard me! I…I was wrong to tell you to give up."

"When did you decide that?"

Lea thought for a moment. When had that changed? "I guess when everything was going on with Xion. From the start, she reminded me of our friend, even though I tried to ignore it. But she did. I didn't want to be friends with her for that reason. I had finally let go of our friend, and here Xion comes along and brings it all back. I was afraid history would repeat itself. But I remember when I found her in Castle Oblivion. She was trying to track down her own memories; she was begging me to let her go through with it. She couldn't take being treated the way she was anymore. I just remember that look in her eyes, and I knew that I wouldn't let this all happen again. I couldn't. I had a second chance to save a friend, and I decided then and there I would not give up this time.

"And…even though I lost everything, I got all my friends back eventually. So, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn't given up on her; if I hadn’t left you to do it all alone. Maybe we would have found out something--anything--instead of just sitting here and wondering."

Isa huffed in mild amusement. "Don't give yourself too much credit. I still kept to the search like an ignorant idiot. I was too stubborn to realize how hopeless it was."

"But maybe it wouldn't have been so hopeless if I had still been there."

Isa shook his head. "No, it would have been still."

Lea wanted to argue, but he knew his friend was right.

Isa cleared his throat. "You know, in a way Xion reminded me of her, too."

Lea raised an eyebrow. "Really? Is that why you were jealous?"

"I suppose. I just couldn't understand how you could fight for a replica, but give up on our friend." He buried his face in his hands. "Uggghh…I can't believe I treated Xion like that. And Roxas. I don't expect them to ever forgive me."

"You'd be surprised; Xion knows how to forgive and forget. I'm sure she'll warm up to you soon."

"And Roxas?"

"…That's gonna take a while."

"I think he's going to take to Chirithy sooner than to me."

"That's easier; Chirithy might be a bit weird, but he's cuter than you by a long shot." 

Isa chuckled halfheartedly before falling silent.

The quiet stretched on, long enough that Lea thought Isa must have fallen asleep until his friend let out a long sigh.

"Lea?"

"Yeah?"

"Do…do you remember what she was like?"

"Duh; you?"

Isa huffed in mild amusement. "Of course."

He gazed at the ceiling, lost in thought and a dazed smile across his lips. Lea smiled as well; he hadn't seen that look on Isa since they were teenagers. 

"Do you remember the time you tried to sneak in an ice cream bar for her?"

Lea rolled his eyes at the memory. "My pockets were sticky for a month."

"I told you it wouldn't work, but you insisted!"

"Oh yeah? How about the time I caught you two smooching?"

Even in the dark, Lea could tell Isa turned red. "She just gave me one little peck!"

" _Just_ one?"

"…Yes."

"You hesitated!"

"No! Shut up!"

Isa smacked Lea, who continued to snicker at his embarrassment.

"Okay! Okay! She may have kissed me more than once! But she was just so excited to get out of there."

Lea remembered that night as well. "She could have woken up the entire castle with her little happy bouncing."

Isa laughed at the memory. "We talked about what we would do when we got her out. She asked me to help her pick a name."

This was news to Lea. He almost commented on it until he saw Isa's expression. In the dark, he could still see the glisten of a tear slide down Isa's face.

"There was so much she wanted to do…wanted to see…I promised her so much…and I failed her. I failed everything."

Isa's words drifted off; Lea knew exactly why. Another word would release a flood of emotions Isa was not prepared to deal with.

Lea was at a complete loss. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Isa cry. Usually it had been him, and Isa would try to comfort him or shut him up.

Only one solution came to Lea. "Do you need a hug?"

"…yes."

Lea reached over and scooped his friend up in a bear hug. A manly bear hug, he hoped. Isa returned with some trepidation. 

There was a long moment before Isa spoke up. "Okay, that's enough."

"Yeah, let's never do that again."

"Agreed."

Both men flopped back into their sleeping bags, feeling awkward but somewhat comforted. 

Isa let out a despondent laugh. "I'm sorry, I'm just bad at…this…"

Lea chuckled. "It's called emotions, dingus."

"Yeah, I hate them."

Lea jokingly punched Isa's shoulder. "You'll get the hang of it."

Isa paused a moment. "Thank you, Lea."

"No problem, buddy."


	5. Can We Talk?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas decides to talk with Xion about the conversation he overheard between Lea and Isa.

A pale dawn peeked through the curtains beside Roxas' head. He had woken up some time ago, early enough to watch the sunrise, but he simply stared at the ceiling. 

He hadn't slept well the past few hours, and eventually gave up. After overhearing Lea and Isa's conversation, it was impossible to stop thinking about it long enough to drift off. 

_Saix--Isa--whatever, had…_ He couldn't even form the words in his head. It was too crazy to consider. 

And it changed everything. 

He kept playing over memories from the organization, applying this newfound knowledge to every interaction with Saix he could remember. Every action, every word now had new weight to it. Of course, it didn't justify how he had treated Roxas and Xion but…it made sense now. 

Well, more sense at least. He was still baffled. He had to talk to someone. He couldn't let this keep rattling around his brain; his head was going to explode if he didn't make sense of this. 

Of course, the person to talk to would be Xion, but considering he hadn't heard anyone's alarm go off yet, Xion was probably still fast asleep. 

_Maybe I should…_ He mentally kicked himself. No, he shouldn't wake her up. Not even for this. She needed to rest. Granted, it had been a few weeks since they rescued her, and she kept insisting she felt great, but Roxas refused to let her wear herself out. After the nightmare she had endured under Xehanort, she deserved every moment of relaxation and rest. 

Roxas let out a heavy sigh. What to do then? He certainly couldn't just lie here doing nothing, letting his train of thought take a wild track through his mind. 

His stomach gurgled in annoyance. Perhaps breakfast? A bowl of chocolate frosted sugar bombs did sound good right now. Of course, it always sounded good. 

Roxas kicked off his single blanket and swung his legs over the side of the bed, but suddenly panicked and halted his feet midair. He forgot; he was right over Isa's sleeping head. 

As satisfying as it had been the past couple weeks to give his former boss a good "accidental" kick every morning, that no longer seemed appropriate. Gingerly balancing himself between Isa and Axel's sleeping bags, he crept toward the door, relying on Axel's significant snore to cover the creak as he snuck out. 

The hall was dead silent, as he had expected. No one else was crazy enough to be awake at this hour. Not even Aqua and Terra, who notoriously rose at the crack of dawn to go train. 

_Come to think of it, where are they?_ Roxas wondered. They hadn't ever missed a morning, but the breeze that clinked the training rings out back indicated no one stirred this morning. 

_Maybe they decided to actually sleep in like real human beings._ Roxas pushed the dining room door open and stopped dead in his tracks. 

Terra and Aqua had decided to sleep in. Specifically, sleep in the dining room. 

The two were curled up in the far corner, arms around each other and clearly out cold judging by the gentle snores coming from the pair. 

Roxas held his breath as he backed out the door. Breakfast could wait. He could only imagine the widespread embarrassment if they happened to wake up and see him gawking at them. 

As terrifying at it was for a split second, Roxas couldn't help but smirk as he took one last peek through the crack in the door. It seemed Terra had taken the previous night's teasing to heart. _Finally…_

In the meantime, Roxas still had at least a half hour to kill before Xion maybe crawled out of bed. 

Shower it was. 

The hot water helped clear his head a bit. He must have been over-thinking things. It couldn't be as serious as he was making it out to be. The man that had tormented him and--more importantly--Xion being in love with someone? Roxas found himself laughing at the notion. He had to have misheard the conversation, maybe even dreamed part of it. There was no way what he thought he heard could have been true. 

However, every bit of logic he had convinced himself of came crashing down the moment he saw Isa. 

Roxas's toothbrush went limp in his mouth as Isa walked into the communal section of the bathroom. He didn't mean to, but he watched the man intently, searching for any signs that what he had convinced himself wasn't true might by some circumstance be real. 

Isa caught Roxas' stare for a moment, raising an eyebrow in response. The teenager glanced away, face momentarily flushing, but kept the blue-haired man in his peripheral vision. 

Isa washed his face, brushed his hair, brushed his teeth, and turned on heel out the door without another word. 

He never once looked in the mirror. 

Toothpaste and spit dribbled down Roxas' chin. It was subtle; it could have been entirely inconsequential. Yet Roxas' mind raced, considering what Isa's simple omission could have meant. 

A door creaked down the hall, along with a large yawn he knew well. Spitting quickly, he sped down the hall. 

_"Xion!"_

"EEP!" Her hand flew to her chest. "Gee whiz, Roxas! Don't scare me like that! My heart is too new for that!" 

"I gotta talk to you!" 

"Wow, no 'Good morning Xion, how did you sleep? Lovely day, isn't it?'" She giggled and reached up to his chin. "You got toothpaste all over your face, silly." 

Roxas frantically batted her hands away. "Come on! There's no time for that!" He grabbed her wrist and sped around the corner, dragging her along with a yelp. 

He skidded behind a wall and checked over his should to make sure no one was around. 

Xion set her hands on her hips. "What the flip, Roxas?? I just got up! Can't I get a moment to actually wake up?" 

As adorable as her mussed-up bed head, oversized pjs, and scowl were, Roxas forced himself to ignore it all. "I heard something crazy last night, and I gotta talk to someone about it!" 

Xion fought to stifle a yawn. "Can't you just talk to Axel?" 

"No! Cuz it's about Isa!" 

This caught Xion's attention. "What on earth could you have heard about Isa that would put you so on edge?" 

Roxas checked around the corner once more. Seeing the hallway was completely empty, he leaned close to whisper. "Okay, so last night, I overheard Axel and Isa talking--" 

Xion dropped her jaw in mock shock. "You were eavesdropping? How dare you!" 

"Oh come on!" 

She gave his shoulder a playful smack. Had he not been so flustered, the butterflies in his stomach might have gone insane. "Anyways," he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I--I heard them talking about--about a girl…" 

Xion cocked her head. "Anyone we know?" 

"No, I think this was a long time ago, like before they even became nobodies. It sounded like she had been in trouble and Isa and Lea tried to help her. I dunno, they just kept mentioning some time when Lea told him to 'give up.'" 

Roxas bit his lip. The words were in his head, but he was having trouble saying them. "I think…I think Isa was in love with this girl." 

She blinked in surprise. "Wait--Isa?? In love with someone?" 

"I know! I--I can't wrap my head around it ei--" 

"That's. So. ROMANTIC!!!" Xion squeaked with delight. 

Roxas just scowled. "Seriously?" 

"Oh come on," She rolled her eyes at his apparent cynicism. "It is! By what you're saying, Isa wanted to save the girl he loved, and even though he couldn't he never wanted to give up hope! How is that NOT the most adorable thing you've ever head??" 

"No! That's--that's…" Roxas trailed off. _That's…way too familiar…_ He pushed down the sudden lump in his throat. "That's besides the point! Don't you see? This changes _everything_ about Isa!" 

"How so?" 

"Well, it changes everything about what he did in the organization! When he would get mad at Axel for helping you, it was probably because he knew Axel had given up on their friend! He was jealous, he said so himself in the Keyblade Graveyard! He was jealous of our friendship, probably because it reminded him of when the two of them had this other girl around. I mean, it was hopeless but he refused to give up even if he was completely on his own and--" 

Xion held a finger up to his lips, effectively shutting him up. "Why don't we go talk to Axel about this? Maybe Isa too." 

His stomach churned at the thought. "I--I don't think I can…" 

"Why not?" 

"Well…I dunno, it feels weird talking to him after everything, you know?" 

Xion shrugged. "I don't think so. He was a different person then, and apparently he was really hurting." 

"That doesn't make anything okay, though!" 

"No," Xion gave him a sharp look. "But it does make him human. He made mistakes, but he's trying to fix them. I told you about what happened before the battle. He's really not at all who we thought he was." 

A smidgen of guilt settled on Roxas. He remembered Xion's story well; how Isa had tried to help her, and even tried to save her from what had happened. 

But he still had a difficult time equating the man striving for redemption with the man that had tormented Xion. After everything, he still couldn't find it in his heart to truly forgive Isa. "He hurt you, Xion. He hurt you a lot. I…I just can't see past that." 

He felt her delicate palm brush his cheek, coaxing him to look at her. Her smile made his insides melt away. "Can you at least trust me that I don't see him that way? Even if you can't forgive him, at least know that I do." 

Roxas wanted to argue, but those deep blue eyes kept him from forming any coherent thought. "Okay," he finally managed to gasp out. 

His mind wandered back to a moment from minutes before that still bothered him. "Also, I--I dunno if it means anything, it could just be nothing, I may have just been imag--" 

Xion groaned with a smirk. "Oh just spit it out already!" 

"It's just--this morning, in the bathroom, when Isa was getting ready, I--I didn't see him look in the mirror. Like, at all." 

Xion's smile dropped. Her gaze became distant for a moment. 

Roxas shifted himself in front of where her eyes were focused. "Xion?" 

She focused back on him. "Sorry, I just…I think I know why…" 

Roxas cocked his head, waiting for a reply. 

Her fingers fumbled with the hem of her sleeves. "It could be--I mean--he may just be afraid that he'll see… _him."_

Roxas suspected he knew exactly what she meant, but still dreaded the answer. "Him? You mean…" 

She only nodded. "I can understand why, I think. I mean, I didn't have to deal with it nearly as long, but I remember when I started to… _change_ …back in the Organization…I couldn't look in a mirror either. I--I still can't sometimes." She shrugged with discomfort. "I know that there's no reason to be afraid, but sometimes I just get scared that if I look, something else might be looking back." 

That lump came back into Roxas' throat. "Xion, you're you. You always have been, and you always will be." 

"I know, I know, logically, I just…" She shoved her hands in her sleeves. "It's silly." 

She turned as if to go back down the hall, but Roxas grasped her hand before she could take another step. 

"Xion…" He wasn't sure how he intended to say what he wanted to, but he knew what she needed to hear, even if it was painful for him. "Isa's story…it's a lot like mine." 

In his peripheral vision, he could see Xion brush a lock of black hair behind her ear. "What do you mean?" 

He swallowed hard. He hadn't ever told anyone about his time after leaving the organization. Or after losing her. "I…wanted so badly to get you back. I couldn't even remember your name, but I knew I had to save you." His gut twisted as the memories came flooding back. "I was so mad at Axel for ditching you, so I decided I would just do it all on my own. And--and even after I forgot you, nothing felt right. There was always something missing." That lump in his throat returned. "I missed you so badly. I wanted you back so much." The words were barely a whisper; he didn't know if she had even heard them. "You were _everything_ to me. It was always you." 

Despite his blurred vision, he could see her slight form step in front of him. She slipped her arms around him. That was all it took to crumble any strength he had. Roxas let himself finally embrace her as tight as he dared. 

She snuggled her face closer to his shoulder. "Thank you, Roxas." 

"You were--you _are_ \--my world, Xion. When I lost you, I--I couldn't…I can't…" His voice stopped short against the ensuing emotion. 

Xion took his face in her hands, making him look at her. He blinked once and felt a few tears drop. 

She wiped one away with her thumb. One tracing her face as well. "I'm here now. We're together, and we won't even be apart again. That's what matters." She lifted herself up on her toes and planted a small kiss on his cheek, causing his young heart to pull a somersault. 

She glanced away, but he still noted the pink tint across her nose. "Now, let's go get some breakfast. We don't wanna be late for our date later, right?" 

Roxas wiped the couple of tears from his eyes with a laugh. "Oh right, I almost forgot about that." 

"Excuse me?? You forgot about our date??" 

"No no! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant--" 

She cut him off with a bell-like laugh. "I know! Calm down! Now come on! Otherwise all of the chocolate frosted sugar bombs are gonna be gone!" 

She took his hand and yanked him down the hall way. Roxas tried to fight the goofy grin that was plastered across his face, but he couldn't help it. Only Xion could make him happy in this way, so why fight it?


	6. A Message for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after his conversation with Lea, Isa confronts his own inner demons.

An incessant ringing interrupted Isa's fading dreams. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up to search for the alarm clock.

Lea, of course, was still snoring loudly, his own alarm hardly cutting through the sound. Surprisingly, Roxas' blankets were already empty. The surly boy usually made a point of smacking Isa's head on his way out of bed if he happened to be up before his former boss. For whatever reason, Roxas had skipped that step of his morning routine. Isa could only imagine he was in for some snide remark or well-placed jab later in the day from him. 

Isa reached over Lea--not worrying about waking the redhead--and poked the snooze button on his gummiphone. His ears now free of the cacophony, Isa flopped back over on his pillow. He hadn't slept terribly well after his conversation with Lea. When he had finally dozed off, the memory of that fateful night replayed again and again in his dreams. Each time it ended differently. 

Once, they never found her and the castle had crumbled to ruins around him, burying any evidence. Another time Xehanort rose from the ashes and laughed at his fruitless efforts to overturn the rubble. Another incarnation of the dream still sent chills up his spine. He and Lea had found a green-lit lab, like the one where they had been killed years before. Instead of a computer, however, only one item stood in the center of the room. A giant tube, like that which had once held Xion in their attempts to rewrite her. This time, it held a different figure, out of focus and indiscernible.

But he knew her scream well.

Isa breathed in sharply and shook his head, dispelling the image at least for the moment. It was time to start the day, and he couldn't allow a nightmare to hold him hostage any longer.

Down the hall the bathroom door stood ajar, steam wisping from a recently finished shower for someone. Isa could only assume it was Terra washing from his morning exercises.

Oddly enough, it was Roxas. Isa braced himself for the insult that was sure to replace his morning clonk on the skull, but the young man remained silent. He noticed Roxas' piercing stare, soon bashfully averted. It was typical to catch Roxas glaring at him, but for Roxas to just stare, eyes wide as though Isa was some odd creature he had never before encountered made Isa's skin crawl.

Wanting to avoid any more scrutiny from him, Isa rushed his routine. He no longer needed to consciously avoid looking in a mirror, making the process simple. 

He could still recall the last time he had; Xehanort's eyes had stared back at him. He knew that was no longer the case, but old habits die hard. In any case, he didn't care to see a face he despised. He momentarily registered that Roxas still stood stiff as a board with his toothbrush hanging from his mouth but didn't linger long enough to question him.

He internally sighed at the thought of finding breakfast that morning. Since the kitchen and storage pantries were still in need of deep cleaning, there was not much to eat for the significant number of inhabitants now in the castle. If he didn't want to start off his morning with a stomach-churning bowl of chocolate-infused pieces of artificial sugar, straight black coffee was the best he could hope for.

Hazy light streamed through the tall stained-glass windows lining the hall as Isa shuffled down the carpet to the kitchen. In all his life, Isa had never lived anywhere so beautiful, although he feared it would never feel like home. Nothing ever would. What was a home? A place filled with friends and family where you could take off your shoes and feel the comforting glow of love and care. No place would ever feel like that again. Not after everything he had done. Home was an impossible dream.

So lost in his thoughts as he was, he almost missed the sight of Terra and Aqua curled up in the corner of the dining room together. Terra's head shot up at the sound of Isa's bare feet pausing on the tile. For a moment he locked eyes with Isa like a deer in headlights. From Aqua there was only a soft snore where her face stayed buried in Terra's shoulder.

Isa's mind raced for the proper reaction. Scold them? He might have done that once, but there seemed to be no point in lecturing the pair on what was a healthy and necessary step forward for both of them.

Isa gave Terra a small nod hoping it would communicate his vow to secrecy. Terra sighed in relief, some of the color retreating from his face. 

Isa slipped silently across the rest of the dining room. Anyone else might have commented further on the situation, so perhaps it was best Isa stumbled upon them first. He knew exactly what Lea would have done: _"Ohhhh wow Terra, you and Aqua move FAST dontcha???"_ At least now the two might have a chance to make their escape before anyone else interrupted them and caused a scene.

Isa pushed his way through the swinging door into the kitchen, and finally allowed himself a quiet chuckle. Although he didn't know Terra or Aqua well--or at all, truthfully--he was nonetheless glad to see that the previous night's conversation had made a significant impression on the young man. Perhaps life could begin to make some positive progress for them after everything they had been through. Even if he had only heard stories, he knew they deserved it.

As he prepared the coffee with the decade-old brewer, his memory traced back over his interactions with Xemnas. Perhaps he had been more privy to the innerworkings of Terra's relationship with the missing master than he had realized. Isa could recall the times he had found the Superior in the Chamber of Repose. He had never asked the stoic man about the armor piled the room, although he now knew who it belonged to. Xemnas had at times mentioned reaching out to "an old friend" in that chamber. Isa took a sip of his rather weak cup. Perhaps some part of Terra that remained in Xemnas had been trying to find Aqua all those years.

Isa smirked to himself at the haunting similarity between himself and Xemnas. _How odd…Two men, both in futile search of a lost loved one and entirely ignorant of each other's quests._

A sickening notion invaded his mind. Perhaps the Terra part of Xemnas had been ignorant of Isa's mission, but Xehanort certainly had not been. That was, after all, how he had enslaved Isa those many years ago.

No matter how hard Isa fought against the memory of that fateful day, the events still played through his mind's eye. The words he and Lea had flung at each other rang in his ears even now.

_"Give it up Isa. She's never coming back, and you know it. Just do yourself a favor and forget about her."_

_"How dare you just give up on her, Lea! Do you not care? Did you ever care? Maybe all these years have been a sick charade on your part!"_

_"You know that's not true!"_

_"Perhaps once I did, but no longer, Lea."_

Isa set his cup down, hands shaking. Anything else in his stomach and he feared he might vomit.

Xemnas’ twisted grin flashed through his mind.

_"You are powerless, boy. Accept my offer, and all you seek for will be yours."_

What a lie that had been.

Isa snatched up the cup and hastily rinsed it out. Despite the water splashing across the counter, he was still lost in thought. He knew he and Lea had long moved past the feud that had haunted them for years, but Isa still found himself replaying the event more often than he wished. Every time his own words echoed in his ears his self-loathing only deepened. How did Lea ever find it in himself to forgive Isa? He knew he didn't deserve his chosen-brother's forgiveness, much less his continued friendship.

A scuffle in the dining room drew his attention away from his thoughts. He could only assume it was Terra and Aqua finally retreating from their romantic hide-away.

"Aqua, come on! Hurry up!"

"Whu…? Terra, what the crap! Just lemme sleep…"

"Get up! You can go sleep in your room!"

"Nnnnnggghhhh…."

Isa peeked through the kitchen window shutters to see Terra shoving a half-asleep Aqua out the door. He stifled a laugh, not wanting to embarrass Terra any more than he already was.

The morning continued uneventful after the romantic interruption. Isa found himself still assigned to sorting through the records stored in library. Master Eraqus had once understood the shelves of tomes relating to the Keyblade war and lineages of wielders, but he had never passed the knowledge on to his pupils. Isa didn’t mind the assignment; most of the other residents of the castle found the work dull, but Isa was riveted by the years of history available to him. Growing up in Radiant Garden, his mother had often told him and Lea stories of the ancient Keyblade wielders, defending the world from darkness, but he had never imagined those stories could be true. 

He looked up from the book on the desk before him. _I wonder where she is now…_ He hadn't tried to reach out to his mother, or anyone he had known, in Radiant Garden since his return three weeks ago. He still didn't think he could face her, but the need to know what had happened to her itched at his mind. Had she managed to make her way back after the fall of their home world? Was she somewhere else after all these years? Was she even…no, he dared not even consider the possibility. The only way to keep himself sane right now was to believe she was safe and happy wherever she may be. That thought had kept him from worrying too much all these years, and it would have to continue to work. After all, he could not simply drop his responsibilities here to go find her now. There was too much that needed to be done.

Voices from below cut through his thoughts, which at one time would have annoyed him to no end but was now a welcome interruption from his daily broodings.

Considering Roxas' chore this morning kept him in the castle garden's, Isa could hear what was most likely Ven and Namine going through the kitchen storage pantries, by far the most dreaded assignment in the castle.

"Before we open this, Namine, Terra warned me this might have been one of the refrigerated pantries. If it was, we are probably going to find horrors beyond the mortal imagination in there."

"Then it's now or never, right? Okay, we open it on three. One.."

"Two.."

"Three! OH GROSS!!!"

"EGAH! BLEH! YOU GUYS GOTTA SEE THIS!"

"WHAT WAS THAT???"

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!"

Isa shook his head with a laugh. His imagination was able to conjure up enough without him needing to actually see the horror. Whatever it was, Ven and Namine were sure to have plenty to discuss on their date today.

He was silently grateful that no one had invited him to join them on their outing that day. He knew it would have only been out of politeness, since he was certain everyone was generally more comfortable when he was absent.

As much as Lea wanted to convince him that he would--could--should--fit in with everyone, Isa had a difficult time believing that. If Roxas' attitude toward him the last few weeks was any indicator, he doubted anything could ever change regarding the others' opinions of him; he didn't blame them at all.

He remembered Roxas' odd behavior that morning in the bathroom. Rather than berate his former tormentor without fear of retribution, the blonde boy had been so oddly silent. Isa couldn't help but wonder if Roxas had perhaps overheard the conversation between him and Lea. It would certainly explain his behavior. Learning an old nemesis had once been a teenager like himself with romantic interest would certainly be jarring to the young man, no doubt. The question remained, then, how much had Roxas overheard?

Isa shook his head, chiding himself. _Not now…just focus on the reading._ He scanned over the page until he reached the last paragraph he had read. 

_“In the days before the Keyblade War, five leaders stood as the figure-heads for the significant population of wielders. These five leaders were known as the Foretellers, referring to their knowledge of events to come and their duty to prepare their individually assigned wielders for those events.”_

An index listing the Foretellers and their histories followed the brief explanation. Isa flipped the page to the first name mentioned: Ira. An illustration gilded one page, the other expounding on the ancient man’s story. 

Isa’s interest stayed not on the lengthy history, but on the man portrayed before him. Something seemed oddly familiar about his appearance. His stance and masked expression; but most of all the weapon illustrated as belonging to him. Isa leaned closer to the page to examine the intricate details of the Keyblade. He knew that shape; it resembled the head of his own claymore.

_It could be a coincidence, nothing more,_ he told himself. A nearly-forgotten memory brushed his mind. His mother, finishing her story of the ancient wielders and their battle for the light, taking his young face in her hands.

_“The blood of masters flows through you, Isa.”_

His gaze drifted back to the blue and white clad man on the page.

Before he could consider any further, a sound like an explosion resounded through the castle. Isa bolted out of his seat and to the door. Others were already in the corridor, crying out in alarm for answers.

Roxas stumbled up the stairs at the end of corridor. "RIKU AND KAIRI ARE BACK!!!"

Isa needed no further push. He quickly joined the others racing from the castle to the grounds.

The gummi ship lay lopsided smoking on the charred grass of the courtyard, stone tiles broken and scattered from the impact. Terra, Lea and Roxas were already fighting to pry the door open.

Ven smacked Isa’s shoulder as he ran past, joining Aqua and Namine on the far side of the ship to see through the dust-covered windows. Isa remained on the steps, knowing he would only get in the way. Enough hands were already fighting with the damaged ship door. Another bump at Isa's hip drew his attention. Xion was halted beside him, frantically biting her nails.

There was a resounding thud from the other side of the gummi ship door. Xion's hand shot out and grabbed Isa's sleeve in a death grip. Among his adrenalin driven thoughts, he momentarily wondered why she was seeking comfort from him but decided not to dissuade the small girl considering the wide-spread panic.

Another thud sounded, and the door broke free some its hinges, releasing a billow of dark grey smoke. A coughing figure emerged; Riku, his clothes torn and a black eye beginning to show. The silver-haired boy gasped a breath of fresh air, then darted back into the smoking ship. A second later he reappeared half-dragging his companion with him.

As soon as she was clear of the door, Kairi fell to her knees. The crowd clamored around her, demanding explanations. Riku planted himself firmly before them and forced them back.

Even from where he stood on the steps, Isa could hear her cry: _"He was there! He was right there and I lost him again!"_

Lea shoved past Riku and scooped her up in his arms. He blew past Isa into the castle, although Isa still caught a glimpse of the horrible gash etching down Kairi's face, matching the path her tears made through the soot covering her. Clearly, Xion saw the wound as well as she gasped and clutched Isa's sleeve even more tightly. Isa shook himself from his shock as the crowd fled back inside behind a limping Riku.

For an hour, all sat in the hall outside of the infirmary, waiting for word from either Lea or Riku tending to Kairi. Not a word passed between any of them. At some point, Xion had let go of Isa's jacket, instead taking Roxas’ hand for comfort. 

Isa took a moment to consider the fact that the pair sat beside him in the narrow hallway and not beside Ven and Namine, seated against the opposite wall next to Aqua and Terra. Aqua would look back at the door every few seconds, Terra's arm around her. Isa found it interesting that despite Terra's obvious intent to keep his and Aqua's relation secret this morning, trauma had made him forego any social qualms.

Isa’s gaze briefly drifted to Ven, directly across from him. Isa averted his eyes to the ground, although Ven's interest in Namine's sketchbook seemed to have kept the boy from noticing.

Ven had been the first besides Lea to take to Isa's inclusion in the group, most likely because he had some vague memories of him as a boy from years previously. As helpful as it was to have Ven supporting his return, Isa couldn't help but be unnerved every time he looked at him. It wasn't because of his resemblance to Roxas; that Isa could wrap he head around fairly well. Rather, every time he looked at the young-faced boy he was reminded how many years had passed. He had been the same age as Ven when the first met. Now the years had taken their toll on Isa, but Ven looked hardly touched, still remaining the youth that had once sparred with Lea on a dare. As unfair as it was to the young man, Ven was a constant reminder to Isa of the years he had lost.

He suddenly registered Roxas and Xion whispering energetically beside him. Despite his efforts not to listen, he still picked up scraps.

"Oh come on, Roxas! Just ask him!"

"Not with everyone around!"

"Then ask him if you can talk later. I'll be there, too!"

"Does now really seem like a good time to ask him that?"

"Well _when_ then, Roxas?! You can't wait forever!"

In his peripheral vision, Isa caught Roxas glance up at him. Isa shifted uncomfortably; it was one thing to feel as separated as he did from the rest of them, it was another to feel like a centerpiece.

The doorknob turned and clicked, snapping everyone to attention. Lea came from the room, softly closing the door once again.

"Well?" Isa questioned as Lea sat down beside him.

The exhausted red-head rubbed a hand across his face. "I dunno, man. I dunno…"

"What happened?"

"That's what I dunno! Apparently Kairi and Riku saw Sora, and the whole event was pretty traumatizing for Kairi. Riku's not much better after whatever happened, but he refuses to leave her side. That's all I know." 

Lea sighed heavily, putting a hand to his temple. "I wish there was more I could do, but Kairi just won't talk, and Riku doesn't want to say anything until she does."

The doorknob clicked again. This time, Riku stepped out. He held a medicinal cloth to his bruised eye.

Aqua and Namine leapt to their feet, but Riku turned only to Isa. "She wants to talk to you."

Isa's jaw dropped. What did she want with him? The shock in the hall was nearly palpable. All eyes turned to Isa. He felt like a centerpiece again, a feeling he had hoped would never occur twice. But however uncomfortable he was, he rose to his feet, giving Riku a small nod of acknowledgement.

Terra rose as well and wrapped an arm around Riku, sitting the younger man between himself and Aqua. The usually stoic boy visibly crumpled at last under the weight he bore and dropped his face into Terra's shoulder. Aqua stroked his hair gently with the air of motherly concern.

_Stop stalling,_ Isa chided himself. Kairi had something to say to him; he had better hear it.

Eyes continued to follow him as he approached the infirmary. Try as he might to ignore them, their gazes burned the back of his neck. Isa's hand shook violently as he reached for the knob. He clenched it into a fist before attempting to reach again. Why was he so nervous? Kairi was no one to be frightened by. Whatever she had to say could not be that important.

Then why, as she dealt with petrifying trauma, was Isa the one person she wished to address?

He clicked the door shut behind him as quietly as he could. It didn't seem to matter much though; Kairi wasn't resting. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, ruby-red hair sprawled out on the pillow. The gash in her cheek had been treated and was covered over with bandages, although they did nothing to mask the truth of the ghastly wound. She made no indication she had heard him enter, but she must have known. A stool stood beside her bed. Isa sat in it gingerly.

Silence permeated the small room. He dared not speak first. Whatever she had to say, he would give her the time she needed to say it.

Her softly laughing was the last thing he expected to hear, however. He looked over to see her despondent smile. "The last time you and I talked, you had kidnapped me and were holding me hostage for Sora."

Isa felt his face flush. He didn't need to be reminded of how horrible had once been to her. 

"Don't freak out; it doesn't really matter anymore. I would have beat your butt any other day, though."

Isa found himself smiling at her jest. "I don't doubt it."

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Lea was right; you're not at all what you seem."

Try as he might, Isa had no words to respond with. 

Kairi took a deep, shuddering breath. "I guess you wanna know why I asked to talk to you."

"It…crossed my mind."

She huffed in amusement. "I'm still trying to work it out, honestly."

"Take your time."

A minute passed before Kairi spoke again.

"I…I saw Sora. I think you probably heard that at least," Her vision glazed over. "There were so many of them…just lost, confused…sad…"

Isa hesitated before inquiring. "Them?"

"Other people like him. Other…dead people, I think. But, not really," She shook her head. "I don't know what they were exactly, but they were all in pain. I think they knew I wasn't like them. They tried to reach out to me. It was like they thought I could fix them somehow. Their hands…" She visibly shuddered. “I couldn't find Riku, I think I must have called out for him. But I just remember someone grabbing me and pulling me away. I must have had my eyes closed, because I just remember suddenly seeing him standing in front of me."

"Riku?"

She shook her head once. "Sora." 

She fell silent for another moment, biting her lip perhaps against emotion building at the memory. "He--he told me to get out. I didn't want to leave him, but he wouldn't let me stay. I could have done something…I could have saved him…"

Isa, unfortunately, understood the sentiment only too well. "You did all you could."

"I know, I know…" She turned to meet his eye. "Before I left, Sora said he had a message for you. When he went to the Final World, he met someone there."

Isa heard his heart beat in his ears. He fought to control his breathing.

"He said it was a secret, but since you really needed to hear this, she would probably understand."

Isa's throat felt horribly dry. "She?"

"He didn't learn her name. 'They' took away her name, but she was still there--in the Final World--because she 'pines for another.' She said he had lost his own heart but would miss her should he regain it." Kairi paused for an instant that felt like an eternity to Isa. "When Sora asked her who it was, she--she said it was _you._ "

Isa mind raced ahead of himself. He was vaguely aware of Kairi's gaze still on him, possibly waiting for an explanation, but he wasn't prepared to give one. With a curt nod and a muttered "thank you”, he rushed back out the door.

Isa didn't care about the eyes focused on him now. He grabbed Lea's arm and dragged him down the hall and around the corner.

"Isa!" Lea halted his friend, forcing Isa to face him. "What did she say? How is she?"

Isa's thoughts were still jumbling about his head. He tried to form a sentence, but where to begin?

Lea grabbed his shoulders and shook him. " _Isa!_ What. Happened??"

Isa snapped back to reality and met Lea's eyes. "She's in the Final World."

Lea furrowed his brow. "Who?"

_"Her."_

After a moment, Lea's eyes widened. He knew exactly who Isa met. "How--"

Despite himself, Isa felt a wild smile spreading across his face. "Sora met her there. She's waiting for me, Lea. She's waiting for me. We _have_ to find her." Isa prayed Lea felt the urgency that Isa couldn't communicate.

Lea released his grip on Isa and ran a hand through his hair. "Hold on, hold on. She's in the Final World, where we went when we all died. Isa, that means--"

Isa nodded frantically. "I know! I know! But Sora came back right? If her heart is there, then so long as there is a body for the heart to go to, she can come back. We can contact Ienzo and Even so they can start on a replica body and--"

"Woah! Isa! Hold on a second! We don't even know how to _get_ to the Final World, much less get back from it, okay? If she's gonna come back, someone has to go and _get_ her."

Isa's smile dropped along with his heart. He hadn't considered that. How could you reach a world where hearts that have left the Realm of Light dwell?

Of course, there was only one way. Isa locked eyes with Lea. 

Lea needed no explanation. "Isa-- _no._ That isn't gonna happen."

"Lea, it's the only way--"

"No, _no._ I don't care if it's the only way, you are not going to--"

"Lea, if I have you here, then the connections in our hearts will be exactly what she and I need to get back!"

"I'm not going to agree to that! I can't risk losing you again!"

"Lea--" Isa took his friend's shoulders. "Please. I-- _we_ \--need to get her back. And this is the only way."

Lea tried to form and argument, but nothing came from him.

"Lea, you have to kill me."


End file.
